William Herondale - A Cursed Soul
by AnnaMariaNordlade
Summary: Will Herondale's point of view of his meeting with Tessa Gray and her first day at the London Institution. [Warning: I'm not going the whole book, it only goes to the breakfeast scene on Tessa's second day] Clockwork Angel.
1. Prologue

**Hey, This is a story about Will's point of view when he meets Tessa and about her first day at the institution. It's going to be a short story, because I'm only going to the breakfeast scene.**** I'm not doing the whole book, but I hope you will enjoy it.**

* * *

_That man of loneliness and mystery,  
Scarce seen to smile, and seldom heard to sigh_

Lord Byron, The Cosair, 1814

Prologue: A nightmare.

I always knew how the nightmare began. First I was back in Wales. I was standing next to Llyn Cau in the mountains of Cedair Idris. My father used to tease me and my sisters with at it was the closest we could get to Idris.

The wind blew through my hair as I watched the sun go down. And when the mountains were covered in darkness, _She_ would turn up. I have never could see her face or known the color of her hair because of the darkness. She would walk by the lake over to me. She didn't speak to me and I didn't speak to her, but somehow we seem to understand each other. And when we stood in front of each other, waiting for the other to make a move. But we did enjoy it.

I took a step closer to her and lift up my hand to caress her cheek. Then she would lean her head so it would lie in my hand. Her skin was so warm and soft. I could hear my own heart beating. I moved closer. I was a bit taller than her, so she leaned head back, so she could still look at my face. I could feel her warm breath on me just before I press my lips to hers.

I buried my fingers in her long hair, soft as silk, while she did the same to my hair. I would forget everything, the past, the future and even who I was. The only thing that mattered was here and now with her.

After the kissing, we would simply hug. I would look over her shoulder… and held my breath as I realized we were not alone.

Ella.

She stood there behind the girl, pale as a clean linnet and looked at me with a warning look. She was wearing a white nightdress.

With a bloody red X on her chest.

Suddenly the girl in my arms collapsed. In panic I cried at her, tell her to stand up and tell me what was wrong. Then I could smell it. A rotten nauseating smell of death.

Ella's death.

* * *

I woke up bathing in sweat. Yet the air was cold. I could hear Jem playing on the violin in his room.

I sight and got out of the bed with a strong need to move myself and went to the window to sit on the windowsill. It was still night in London, but I could see that the sky was covered in clouds and factory smokes.

The nightmare. I didn't have that nightmare frequently, but it shows up, when I'm beginning to forget my past.

And I know that I should not forget. The girl in my dreams was an example on what I couldn't allow myself to do.

It was that blond girl, Jem and I found dead that was the cause for my nightmare tonight. Fourteen years old the girl was. Just the same ages as Ella had been. Ella, the sweetest other sister a boy could ask for. If she had lived she would have been nineteen now. And Cecily, that adorable little devil, would now be around fifteen.

Jem's music stopped. He was probably asleep now. I have to look at his stock of Yen Fin tomorrow and see if it's necessary for me to buy more for him.

I wondered how it would feel to be in love with somebody. Jem has never thought about it. He was ill and thought that he would be a waste for any girl. Jessamine have always seem to be longing for something, I knew it was to leave the institution and live like a mundane, but maybe it was also after love she longing. Sophie knew that with that scar in her face, the only man who would have her would be one, who really loved her and just not like her looks. And in Henry and Charlotte's case. They really seem to care about each other, but there was like a wall between them.

I thought about my parents. I remembered how they would look at each other with so much tenderness in their eyes like they spoke a private language. When we, their children, the fruits of their love, talked about it, Ella would think of it as sweet and Cecily, as the child she was, would find it disgusting. I just didn't know what to say.

How would it be to really love somebody?

I would never have the answer. All around me, except Jem, thought of me as a horrible person. If they knew the truth what would they think of me?

I looked down on my hands, which were very similar to my father's. Does the curse run in my blood or does it just laid on my skin? Would it only last until my death or would it continue, if there were somebody who cared about me after I have died?

Nobody must love me.

Or else they will die.

* * *

**That was the prologue. Did you like it? Please review and tell what you really liked. If there was any grammatic mistakes in it, then I'm sorry. I can't tell you when the first chapter will come, as I have some school work to do, but I'm working on it.**


	2. Galahad the Pure or William the Rude

_So Dante looks down to find before him a frozen lake (the river Cocytus), _

_iced over so thickly that it no longer even seems like water, but rather like glass._

Inferno Inferno Canto XXXII, Dante Alighieri

Chapter 1: Sir Galahad the Pure or Sir William the Rude?

"So you are going to sneak in?" Henry asked.

I just nodded and looked back at the Dark House. It had cost me £10, but I finally got a lead about the murdered girl Jem and I found.

Jem couldn't come because he had been ill again. I was still concern for him. Focus, William. You're on work. We were outside The Dark House. There were many carriages around, but we were easy mingled among them with our own carriage.

I was going to take a look at the house and find something useful to connect with the murders, that had been around London lately.

"Good luck," Thomas wisped.

"Thanks," I said emotionless. The house was a brothel for mundanes with 'unusual' taste. I don't want to imagine what that meant. But apparently they shut up the business

The house looked so sad and miserable, like it had gone sick. The illness it had gotten was The Dark Sisters.

Yes, it was that name I got, when I tried to find information about the dagger found next to the dead girl. A man told me that he had seen the symbol on a document who belonged to The Dark Sisters. I won £60 from a vampire during the investigation. But I hid most of it to buy Jem's drug. It had never been especially cheap but the price had risen during the last few months. I didn't want to tell it to Jem. He was suffering enough and didn't need to pay more for something that he hated to be addicted to.

I managed to open up the door and get inside. Hopefully the Dark Sisters wouldn't return soon. We had seen them leaving their house for a half an hour ago, so we might have some time to work in. Henry and Thomas would be outside to give me assistance, when I would need it.

It was very dark inside, so I took the witchlight up to bright up the hall. All right, if there was somebody else here in the house, then I hoped that they were asleep… or easy to knock out.

I began searching the rooms. They didn't look special unusual, just that they seemed to be unused for a long time. Until I found something on the second floor that surprised me.

A wedding chamber? There were long white curtains over the bed. Was this supposed to some sort of a brothel theme? What would be in the next room? The bed made to look like a Christmas gift? I guessed I could see what they meant with unusual taste. How peculiar.

I search the room a bit and found a white dress in the closet. A wedding dress for mundanes. I remember clearly my mother showing me her own wedding dress, which had been her mother's. It had once been completely white, but at mother's wedding, there had been sewed golden fabric on it as a combination of shadowhunters and mundanes. This white dress had been made for somebody who is tall.

I left the room and though no more about it, as I went to the next room, which looked ordinary. As did the rest of the rooms on the second floor, until I got to the third floor.

After looking at the first four rooms, I got to a door with a key in the keyhole. Interesting. What could be behind that door?

When I tried to open it, it was a bit difficult, but at least I managed to get it up and go inside.

There was something moving in the room. Despite the light from the witchlight, I couldn't really see what it was. Until I saw something round coming against me really, really fast. I lift my hand to project my face and…

CRASH.

Bloody hell, who thrown a bottle at me? The one responsible was now behind me trying to open the door or it sound more like rip it up.

I looked down on my hand. By the angel, I was bleeding. I began swore both in English and in Welsh. I, William Owen Herondale, who could slay demons without getting a scratch, was bleeding after being hit by a bottle. Jem would tease me for weeks if he ever found out.

I swore for a good time, until I realized that my attacker was looking at me. I looked up.

It was a girl. A mundane girl by the look of it. She seemed to be at my ages. She was very tall even for a girl and had long hair, whose color seemed to be dark. But it wasn't easy to see in the light of the witchlight. She looked at me like she had never seen somebody like me before. Was she a remained prostitute or a relative of the Dark Sisters?

"You cut me," I said to her. "It might be fatal." I was still annoying about the wound. A simple girl could wound me. I have to get Charlotte to look at this.

"Are you the Magister?" the girl asked, but I ignored her and shake my hand to get the blood of me.

"Dear me, massive blood loss. Death could be imminent."

"Are you the magister?" she asked again more insisting this time. I looked at her.

Magister? Master? Master in what?

"Magister? That means 'master' in Latin, doesn't it?" I asked. Maybe if I started a conversation, I could get something out of her.

The girl looked a bit confused. "I... I suppose it does."

"I've mastered many things in my life," I told her. "Navigating the streets of London, dancing in the quadrille, the Japanese art of flower arranging, lying at charades, concealing a highly intoxicated state, delighting young woman with my charms…"

She looked at me like I was mad. That was fun to look at.

"Alas, no one has ever actually referred to me as 'the master,' or 'magister,' either. More's the pity…"

It was a little funny to tell her that she had gotten the wrong man.

"Are you highly intoxicated at the moment?" the girl asked annoying.

She was… tough. It was really amusing. Normally girls would blush when they saw me. There was something about her accent.

"How very direct, but I suppose all you Americans are, aren't you?" Her accent reminded me about the way a shadowhunter from Boston had spoken.

She looked surprised. Well, at least she wasn't going to attack me again.

"Yes, your accent gives you away. What's your name, then?"

"_What's MY name_?" she repeated like she couldn't believe her own ears.

"Don't you know it?" I asked smiling. This was so funny. How long could I test her patience?

"You – you've come bursting into my room, scared me nearly to death, and now you demand to know my name? What on earth's YOUR name? And who are you anyway?"

Well, I guessed that a little introduction would be in its place.

"My name is Herondale," I told her. "William Herondale, but everyone calls me Will. Is this really your room? Not very nice is it?"

It was a small room with only a bed and a bedside table and self with a few books on it. The bed caught my attention. There were robs lying on it.

She must have been tied to the bed, and somehow she got herself free. The weird part was how. There was no knife nearby and the robe didn't seem to have been cut.

"Do you often sleep tie to your bed?"

She blushed. Well, she must be a prisoner here. I have heard of Jewish girls sold into prostitution, but if I said that, she might try to hit me again with something.

I handed her the witchlight. "Here takes this." She took it carefully. I guessed that she expected that it was warm. I went to the window and looked out. We were on the third floor and I couldn't call on Henry and Thomas to come. To get out of hell, you have to get through hell. "Pity we're on the third floor. I could manage the jump, but it would probably kill you. No, we must go through the door and took our chances in the house."

The girl looked confused. "Go through the…what? I don't understand."

This was hilarious. She didn't except somebody coming and save her. "How can you not understand?" I pointed to her books. "You read novels. Obviously, I', here to rescue you. Don't I look like Sir Galahad? _My strength is as the strength of ten, because my heart is pure…_"

I suddenly was interrupt by a sound of a slamming door. I swore. Now we had to leave right now. I looked down on my wound. She must have hit me with everything she had. Not bad. "I'll need to take care of this later. Come along…"

"Miss Gray," she said. "Miss Theresa Gray."

So she was not a Jewish or else she would have had a more German-sounding last name like Stein or Weinberg. Theresa Gray. It sounded nice.

"Miss Gray," I said like I was trying to make sure it was her name. "Come along, then, Miss Gray."

I went directly to the door, but it wouldn't open up.

"It won't work," Miss Gray said. "The door cannot be opened from the inside."

"Can't it?" I said grinning. I took my steele and draw the _open_-rune on the door.

"You're drawing? I don't really see how that can possibly…"

She stopped, when door open. I was really satisfied that I could impress her.

"Now you do," I said. "Let's go."

"My books…" Miss Gray said hesitated.

Her books? She was going to get free from The Dark House and all she was worried about was book? Where did she come from?

"I'll get you more books," I promised. I have some that I could let her have. Then she dragged her with me out of the room and down the corridor until we got to the stairs. But as we went down somebody upstairs was screaming.

Not good.

"They've found you missing," I said. Now we had to move fast.

"Aren't we going out the front door?" She asked.

"We can't. The building's surrounded. There's a line of carriages up out front. I appear to have arrived at an unexpectedly exciting time." I stared down the stairs again, while she followed. ""Do you know what the Dark Sisters had planned for this evening?"

"No."

"But you were expecting someone called the Magister?" And I guessed that he wasn't somebody nice, if she wanted to throw a bottle at him. We were now in the cellar. It was quit heated. "By the Angel, it's like the ninth circle of hell down here…" Not that I ever have been to the ninth circle of Hell.

"The ninth circle of Hell is cold," Miss Gray said.

I looked at her. She had sound so calm like a governess, who my mother had known back home in Wales.

"What?" I said. By the Angel, I sound stupid.

"In _Inferno_," she said, still sounding calm. "Hell is cold. It's covered in ice."

Covered in ice? A quote ran through my mind. _So Dante looks down to find before him a frozen lake_.

Dantes. She read Dantes' work? And she corrected me? We hardly have known each other for a half hour and she corrected me. I could feel my mouth twitching. I liked her.

"Give me the witchlight." She looked confused. So mundane-like. "The stone. Give me the stone."

She gave me the witchlight.

"As for the temperature of Hell, Miss Gray," I told her. "Let me give you a piece of advice. The handsome young fellow whose trying to rescue you from a hideous fate is never wrong. Not even if he says the sky is purple and made of hedgehogs."

She looked at me again like I was mad. I enjoyed that as I went towards a pair of double-doors.

"NO," she shouted behind me. I could feel her grabbing my arm and pull me back. "Not that way. There's no way out. It's a dead end."

"Correcting me again, I see," I said casually and lead her through the corridor.

"Mr. Herondale, did my brother send you to find me?" She asked.

Her brother? There was a brother involved in this?

"Never heard of your brother," I told her.

She looked sad. I felt kinda sorry for her. I knew a lot about having siblings.

"And outside of the past ten minutes, Miss Gray, I'd never heard of you either. I've been following the trail of a dead girl for near 2 months. She was murdered, left in an alley to bleed to death. She'd been running from…something." The corridor had reached a forking point. I decided to take the left. "There was a dagger beside her, covered in her blood. It had a symbol on it. Two snakes, swallowing each other's tails."

She gasped. So she knew something about it. That would mean that my investigation had followed the right way. There was a connection between this house and the dead girl. But now there was no time for asking.

"That's the same symbol that's on the Dark Sisters' carriage – That's what I call them, Mrs. Dark and Mrs, Black, I mean…"

"You're not the only one who calls them that; the other Downworlders do the same," I said. "I discovered that fact while investigating the symbol. I must have carried that knife through a hundred Downworld haunts, searching for someone who might recognize it. I offered a reward for information." £10. I hoped she wouldn't tell Charlotte. She wouldn't be happy even if it was my own money I used. "Eventually the name of the Dark Sisters came to my ears."

"Downworld? Is that a place in London?"

"Never mind that," I said. God, is it normal for American women to be this curious? "I'm boasting of my investigative skills, and I would prefer to do it without interruption. Where was I?"

"The dagger..." she began, but she was interrupted by a voice, echoed in the house.

"_Miss Gray. Oh, Miss Graaay, where are you?_"

Miss Gray froze beside me. She was really scared. I wanted to assure her, that I would project her, but before I could say that, she said "Oh God, they've caught up with…"

I didn't allow her to finish, but drag her with me. I noticed that the heat only got hotter. Bloody hell.

"Miss Graaaaay. We shan't let you run, you know. We shan't let you hide. We'll find you poppet. You know we will."

Not with me around. I wouldn't let this young girl fell into their hands. I spotted a pair of metal doors. They could keep them out for a time. Letting go of Miss Gray, I flung myself against them. They burst up and Miss Gray followed as I ran in. She closed the doors, but I was the one to bolt it. When I realized that I had pinned her to the door. I was standing _very_ close to her. She was between me and the doors. In the gleam of the witchlight, I could now see that her hair had a warm color of brown.

"Miss Gray," I said without thinking. _Dunk. Dunk._ Was that my heart beating faster right now or her own?

I looked into her eyes, and it was first now I noticed their color. They had a grey color – like when the clouds used to roll over the mountains from the ocean back in Wales. A weird feeling rolled over me. It made my heart beat faster. It was like I had forgotten everything around me. She looked down at me, probably at my runes.

I was use to that girls looked at me with admiring, but _she_… she looked at me with curiosity and fascination. I guessed that she wasn't used to be around handsome men like me.

"Where are we?" She then whispered. "Are we safe?"

Of course. We were still in danger from The Dark Sisters. I lift up the witchlight to see where we were.

Miss Gray gasped and held her hand for her mouth. I was in shock. There were lying bodies all around the place. Some of them lay on tables like on a hospital for studies. All of them had a Y-shaped scar on their chest, some of them had their head cut off and I could see organs lying somewhere around. I have seen bodies before, but this went over my wildest imaginations.

"How disgusting," I mumbled.

There was a crashing noise and the metal door shuddered. The Dark Sisters were right behind us.

"Mr. Herondale," Miss Gray cried out. A voice behind the door spoke.

"Miss Gray. Come out now, and we won't hurt you."

"They are lying," Miss Gray said.

As I couldn't tell.

"Oh, do you really think so?" I answered with sarcasm.

Time to get assistance. I jumped up on a table, which was not clean as there lay machine things on it, but at least where were no body parts or organs lying there. I grabbed a heavy-looking brass cog and thrown it against the window, which shattered. "Henry. Some assistance, please. Henry," I shouted.

Miss Gray asked something, but I didn't catch it. Then the doors shuddered again. I saw Miss Gray run from them and grab a metal hacksaw from my table. Not long after that the doors burst open.

Bloody hell.

The Dark Sisters stood in the doorway. One was tall and the other was short. I grab my Seraph blade from my belt. It seemed like I have to fight against warlocks.

"Little Miss Gray," the short woman said. "You ought to know better than to run. We told you what would happen if you ran again…"

"Then do it," Miss Gray shouted. I looked at her, surprised. She seemed determent. "Whip me bloody. Kill me. I don't care."

I couldn't stop starring at her. She looked like a warrior with that hacksaw. Like a Jeanne d'Arc who refused to let the enemies murder her spirit. But there was something else about her. She reminded me of… "I won't let you give me to the Magister. I'd rather die."

The Dark Sisters looked shocked, but I enjoyed it. This girl… she was prepared to die rather than lose her freedom.

"What an unexpectedly sharp tongue you have, Miss Gray, my dear," the short woman said. She took one of her cloves off and revealed her hand – a nasty-looking hand with long nails. Her devil's mark. "Perhaps if we cut it out of your head, you'd learn to mind your manners."

When she moved closer to Miss Gray, I placed myself between them and lighted up my Seraph.

"Get out of my way, little Nephilim warrior," said the warlock. "And take your Seraph blades with you. This is not your battle."

"You're wrong about that." I narrowed his eyes at her. "I've heard some things about you, my lady. I've been told you and your sister pay handsomely for the bodied of dead humans, and you don't care how they get that way."

"Such a fuss over a few mundanes." The sister said and came closer. "We have no quarrel with you Shadowhunter, unless you choose to pick one. You have invaded our territory and broken the Covenant Law in doing so. We could report you to the Clave…"

I interrupted. "While the Clave disapproves of trespassers, oddly they take an even darker view of beheading and skinning people. They're peculiar that way."

"People? Mundanes. You care no more about them than we do." I thought suddenly about my mother. My sweet loving mundane mother. The thought about her lying among a pile of dead bodies and treated like she was only flesh was… disgusting. I felt anger rising in me.

The tall woman turned to Miss Gray.

"Has he told you what he really is? He isn't human…"

"You're the one to talk," Miss Gray said. As talked out of my own mouth.

"And has she told you what she is?" The short woman asked me. "About her talent? What she can do?"

Miss Gray had a talent? She didn't say that. But of course I was a stranger. But she acted like a normal mundane. I decided to bluff and keep the Dark Sisters talking.

"If I were to venture a guess," I replied charming and calm, "I would say it has something to do with the Magister."

"You know about the Magister?" the sister said. Her eyes flicked over to Miss Gray. "Ah, I see. Only what she has told you. The Magister, little boy angel, is more dangerous than you could ever imagine. And he has waited a long time for someone with Tessa's ability. You might even say he is the one who caused her to be born…"

I looked back on Miss Gray, who seemed a bit shaken. But before the short woman could say more, the wall blow up, pieces of stones fall like rain and a fog of ashes and dust was lying around us. I grab Miss Gray's hand and block her against the stones pieces. One of The Dark Sisters was screaming, but I didn't care who it was.

Finally. Henry and Thomas were coming. I saw them walk through a hole in the wall.

The short warlock seemed to have decided to use magic against us. She cast fire at us, but Thomas managed to warn us, so I attacked her and hit her in the chest with my Seraph. The warlock screamed, as her wound began smoking.

I turned to Miss Gray and smiled, but she didn't smile. She just stood there like she couldn't believe what was happening. Then she began walking backwards to the wall, as Henry and Thomas joined me. Good idea. We wouldn't want her getting hurt. There was still one Dark Sister to take care of, while the other was slowly dying.

The remaining woman pulled of a tough fight. She kept throwing fire at us, so our surroundings now were covered in ashes and smoke. Henry moved away, probably to get Miss Gray. I felt relieved that somebody would take care of her. Thomas got behind the warlock and grab her. Then I heard Henry shouting.

"Will," he called. "Will, she bite me."

What? She bite Henry. Was she wild or something? Or was it normal to bite people who were to help her?

"Did she, Henry?" I asked cheerfully as I went over to them. I could see that Henry's hand was bleeding which made me think about my own wounded hand.

"It's bad form to bite," I told her like she was a dog or something. "Rude, you know. Hasn't anyone ever told you that?"

Miss Gray gave again. "It's also rude to go about grabbing ladies you haven't been introduced to. Hasn't anyone told you that?"

A lady? Jessamine thought of herself as a lady, but this girl was of a whole other class. She seemed to have a backbone. She wasn't afraid of hitting people or bit them. Jessamine would rather die than getting blood on her teethes.

Miss Gray was so different.

"Will, look out," Thomas shouted behind me. The short warlock stood up now. She was still alive.

"Damn…" I said and took another Seraph-blade from my belt. "I thought we'd put that thing down…"

She lunged against us. I pulled myself aside, but Henry was pushed so they both fell on the ground. Henry screamed, but I couldn't really see what was happening. I took my Seraph blade, shouted 'Uriel', so it began to flame and cut of the head of the warlock.

Henry pushed the body away, while he was covered in its blood and yelled in disgust.

"NOOOOOO," the sister shouted.

I turned around and saw she had gotten free from Thomas' grasp. Damn…

She began whispering some spells and manifested a lightning bolt, which she threw at Miss Gray.

"NO," I shouted and sprang in front of her with my blade drawn-out. The lightning ricocheted off the blade and struck one of the stone walls.

"Henry," I called. "If you could remove Miss Gray to a place of safety…soon…"

But the warlock threw another one. I parted it again, but…

"Miss, please bend down…"

It all happened so quickly. First I could see the angered Warlock and then I heard Miss Gray screaming follow by a bump, the warlock laughed and suddenly she vanished out of the blue.

"Will, are you all right?" asked Thomas.

"Yes," I answered. "Are you?" I had seen him getting hurt by warlock.

He just nodded. Then I looked around me.

Where was Miss Gray?

She was lying on the ground with Henry standing over her.

Panic ran through me. _No._ Without thinking I ran over to her.

"Will?" Henry called.

I kneeled beside Miss Gray and took a check at her pulse. I was filled with relief. Good, she was still alive.

"Who is she?" Henry asked.

"She says her name is Theresa Gray." What was it the short woman called her? _Tessa_. That sounded sweet. _Tessa._

"Why is she here?"

"She was captivated here. Well, the short lady said something about 'her talent', but she seems pretty mundane to me." Time to be the rude Will.

"We will let The Silent Brothers decide that. Let's get her out of here. You take her at her arms. I take her legs."

I obeyed and helped him lifting her up and carry her to the carriage.

"She is heavy," I said and try to sound displeased. But in fact having a girl in my arms was quite pleasant.

"Will," Henry said trying to sound stern. Charlotte was better at that. But I liked Henry as he was. Too bad I never could let him know.

Thomas came and took over carry her for me. I felt kinda guilty of letting her go. Like I had betrayed her trust.

When Henry had put her legs down, he turned to me.

"You know what, Will? You sit with Miss Gray in the carriage. I will stay and wait for help from The Silent City. I think you will be better to calm her down, if she wakes up, after all you were the one, who got her out of the house."

I wanted to say, that I was not sure if any of us could calm her down, but instead I help Thomas with moving Miss Gray into the carriage and sat myself in front of her.

The carriage began moving and I wondered what connection Miss Gray had to our investigation. When I noticed that she was almost falling out of her seat, I decided to sit beside her to hold her up.

She smelled like she hadn't change dress for a very long time, which was probably the case. It was a shame, she looked really pretty. Not pretty as Jessamine, but…

_Tik tak, tik tak._

What was that? A clock? Did Henry leave one of his devices in the carriage? He always had devices on him. Then I realized that the sound came from Miss Gray. Did she have a pocket watch or something? Curious I carefully check her, until I found the source of the sound.

A necklace with an angel.

_Tik tak, tik tak._

A Clockwork Angel? It was very small, but pretty. I let it stay on Miss Gray and then lay a rug about her, so she wouldn't get cold. Just a little compassion as long she didn't knew about it. That was the only thing I could allow myself to do.

Poor little thing.

* * *

**So here is the first chapter. It took a lot of work. But I hope that you like it. I hasn't sure about how to describe his fellings about Tessa, when he met her. This is the longest chapter I have ever made to fanfiction. Please review and tell me what you really liked.**


	3. The London Institute

_The reading of all good books is like conversation with the finest men of past centuries._

René Descartes

_Who is this? And what is here?_

_And in the lighted palace near_

_Died the sound of royal cheer;_

_And they crossed themselves for fear,_

_All the knights at Camelot:_

_But Lancelot mused a little space;_

_He said, "She has a lovely face;_

_God in his mercy lend her grace,_

_The Lady of Shalott."_

The Lady of Shalott, Lord Tennyson, 1842

Chapter 2: The London Institute:

"Will," Charlotte called concern, when I got out of the carriage. "What happened? Where is Henry?"

"At The Dark House," I answered calmly. "I snuck inside and found a basement full of bodies and a living girl who was captivated there. We killed one of the Dark Sisters, but the other escaped. The girl – the imprisoner – is inside the carriage – unconscious. You might need to call upon the silent brothers. Ask them to go to The Dark House as well. Thomas, help me. We have to get this girl inside, before she wakes up and bits us."

"Bits you?" Charlotte repeated as Thomas and I took Miss Gray out of the carriage.

"She bite Henry," I explained. "Because you're not supposed to grab ladies, who you are not introduced to. That was she said to me, before she fainted by the sight of me."

Charlotte looked at me skeptical.

"Very well, she fainted because a piece of a warlock-light bolt hit her. Luckily, she is not dead, because I think she is something important. At least to the Dark Sisters."

"Who is she?" Charlotte asked and looked at the unconscious girl.

"Theresa Gray from America. She smells horrible, so she must have been at that place for a long time. Maybe she was born there and has never seen the sun light. That must be why she doesn't faint by the sight of me. She has never seen a man before."

"Will," Charlotte interrupted tired of me. "Could you and Thomas take Miss Gray upstairs? Ask Sophie to find a room for her. Thomas, when you are done, you can take me to The Dark House. And tell Agatha that we might be one more to dinner."

"Yes, Mrs. Branwell," Thomas answered and we left Charlotte at the carriage as we carried our unconscious guest inside.

"Maybe you should just let me carry her alone," Thomas suggested as we walked up at the stairs.

"No way," I said. "She is heavy. It would be cruel of me to let you carry all that weight."

That was a lie. It was just that I didn't want to let go of Miss Gray. Not yet. I felt… responsible for her. I was the one who found her. It is just responsibility, right?

"Be careful," I said to Thomas as we went through the corridor.

Then Jessamine came around the corner and stop at the sight of us.

She stood and looked at Miss Gray with wide eyes. She then looked at me. "Is this one of your 'attractive acquaintances' from Soho or Cheapside, who comes for a home visit? Or did you just decided to take a souvenir to enjoy yourself with?"

Oh, Jessamine. Lovely Jessamine. Jessamine who is stupid enough to accept my tales of brothels and drunk.

"Why do you ask? Are you jealous?" I asked and smiled at her.

She looked like she had shallow a lemon. Offended she turned around, and with her nose in the air, she walked away. While Thomas and I continued, I looked back at Miss Gray. She seemed to have a relaxing expression on her face. She must have been through a lot. I just hope that her nightmare in that house was over now.

"Sophie," Thomas called. I looked up and saw Sophie standing next to him. Her eyes narrowed by the sight of me. "Is there a room, where we can put her?" Thomas continued. "She is unconscious and needs rest."

Sophie pointed at a door and then went there to open it up. "I have just cleaned it and changed the bed linen. Do you need me to get some water for her?"

Thomas and I carried Miss Gray inside the room and lay her on the bed.

"Yes," I answered to Sophie's question. "Ehm… just change her dress and clean her. She smells horrible."

Sophie glared at me, but I didn't care. I left the room at once, but at the door frame I hold back to have a last look at Miss Gray. She was lying calm and peaceful on the bed. It could be how Elaine from _The Lady of Shalott_ had looked like lying in her boat on the way to Camelot.

I turned around. "If anybody needs me, I'm in Jem's room," I said and left Miss Gray in Sophie's care.

The walk from there to Jem's room seemed kind of blurring. It had been an interesting day. What a story to tell Jem, and it was even true. I tell Jem and the others a lot of tales to make them think badly of me. To protect them from my curse. I would walk for hours in the streets of London to maintain the appearance. If you are burying a secret in your heart you have to cover it with something. You cover it with lies and cruel behavior, even if it means loneliness. I was always lonely. With Jem I felt less lonely, but still… If you are the only person in the world who carried a serious secret, you will feel lonely, because as you built the wall that should you secret safe you are building it around yourself too.

I thought about Rochester from _Jane Eyre_, who hide from everybody that he had a wife, who was insane and couldn't get a divorce from. He too had been cursed. I knew how he felt. But he was lucky. His curse died. My curse was stuck to me for life and maybe even after death.

Jem was lying in his bed when I arrived. If it wasn't because I could hear him breathing, I would have though he was dead.

His eyes were closed but I knew that he was awake.

"Will," he said without opening his eyes or sit up. "Will, it's that you?"

"How are you doing?" I asked as I closed the door behind me. He looked very unwell. He was pale and didn't look like he had much energy left. His hair was silver white. Should that indicate that he was close to death like old people with white hair?

"Have been better," he answered and looked up. "But I should ask you the same question. You are bleeding."

I looked down on my hand. The blood was dry now. I had forgotten all about it, so I didn't ask Charlotte for an _Iratze_-rune. I have to wait with that until she got home.

"It's nothing," I assured him. "The blood is dry. A girl hit me with a bottle."

Jem smiled a bit still tired-looking. "What did you do now?"

"Nothing," I said as I walk over to his bed. "I was just trying to save her."

Then I told Jem what happen at the Dark House, about Miss Gray and The Dark Sisters. Jem seemed to be interest in it. He even sat up in his bed, while I told him about the moment when Henry and Thomas arrived. But he did get a bit uncomfortable when he heard of the bodies.

"This Miss Gray… How does she look like?"

I was surprised. Jem never showed an interest in what girls looked like.

"She…," I saw for me the young woman who stood up to The Dark Sisters, proclaiming that she rather die than being given to The Magister. "She is tall. Brown hair. Grey eyes…" Grey like the clouds from my childhood. Wales. Hen Wlad Fy Nhadau. Or rather the land of mothers.

"She is pretty," I then said quickly. "But enough of that. Are you fit enough to get up? I think I'm going to die, if my only company this evening is Jessamine."

"Nonsense," Jem said and took a deep breath. He coughed a bit. "I can't go downstairs. I'm too tired. You can just survive Jessamine's company so you can tell me more."

I looked at Jem and then at my Parabatai-rune. Jem didn't have much time left. When he died, there wouldn't long until I became eighteen. Then I would move away from everyone. I wouldn't get close to anybody, not let my curse kill them. Jem was my greatest sin, but he was going to be my last joy and after that… I couldn't think that long.

* * *

Charlotte arrived home later with Henry and Thomas. I finally told her about 'The Magister', that was mention by Miss Gray and The Dark Sisters. She went through the files, but didn't find anything useful. The Silent Brothers had empty The Dark House and were now examined the bodies from the basement. We then decided that we would wait to Miss Gray woken up, so we could question her. Jessamine said that she had a dress, that she could let our guest have and left to find it. As Charlotte was giving me an Iratze and Henry just looked, Sophie came in.

"I have cleaned her and give her a newly washed nightdress. She is still asleep, but…"

"But what, Sophie?" Charlotte stood up on her feet concerned.

"She tosses and turns in her sleep. She does say something, but not so I could hear it."

Charlotte sighed. "Anything else?"

"There are signs of whipping on her back. So she wasn't treated well, poor girl."

I felt anger rising inside me. _They whip her._ For a moment I was dissatisfied with that I didn't make that short warlock suffer more before I killed her or at least cut off the sister's arm or something.

Speaking of warlocks…

"Ehm, Sophie…," I asked hesitantly. Sophie looked at me surprised. "Did Miss Gray have any… marks? You know devil's mark."

She glared at me first. "She looks completely normal," she then answered.

Normal? That would mean that she looked like a completely normal human. But the dark sisters mentioned about a talent. A talent the Magister had waited a long time for, so she couldn't be an ordinary human.

"If she is not a warlock," said Charlotte concerned like she was reading my mind. "Then what is she?"

"Maybe the devil's mark is inside her," I suggested smiling. "Like… maybe a third kidney or… green urine."

"Will, it's not funny."

"But he has a point," Henry pointed out. "The devil's mark might not be something, we can see. The Silent Brother might be able to tell us more when he has examined her."

Charlotte nodded agreeable to him. Then Jessamine came in with a dress in her arms, which she handed over to Sophie.

"Here use this for her."

I recognized the dress. Henry gave it to her a long time ago, but she never used it. I looked at Henry. He too had recognized it and seemed a bit sad about it. I would have said that Jessamine was ungrateful, but Miss Gray was in a need of a new dress and this one could finally be of use.

Oh, before I forget…

"Did you find anything at The Dark House that indicated that Miss Gray had a special talent?" I asked.

Charlotte looked at me first and then she nodded. "The Silent Brothers found some papers in the house."

"So…," Jessamine said. "What can she do?"

"I think it's up to Miss Gray to tell, if she wants to. And that's final."

"I agree, Darling," Henry said and got up. "I think I will, meanwhile, work in the laboratory."

"You do that, dear."

Then Thomas came to tell us, that Brother Enoch had arrived to look at Miss Gray. Charlotte decided that we should continue our conservation at dinner. Henry went back to his laboratory. Charlotte went upstairs with Brother Enoch and Sophie. Jessamine also left the room so I was left alone. Jem was probably asleep now, so I went to my room.

I looked around. I have to clean up one day. Not that I cared but I have to have room enough for _me_, before it became necessary for me to sleep in the corridor. I cleaned my bed and put the books lying there on the table among the other books that were lying there and then I let myself fell down on the sheets, which needed to be change.

It was first now I realized how tired I was. It was like I couldn't feel my muscles. What a hard work it was to be a shadowhunter. But… I felt satisfied with that I could do something for the world. Like now today I had save Miss Gray. That was the point with shadowhunters. We were supposed to protect humanity against evil. But it seemed like some people forgot that.

Ella…

Ella would have been a good shadowhunter. I still remembered the way she fought against the demon.

A scream broke me out of my thoughts. Tessa. What was happening? I jumped out of my bed and ran into the corridor. Then the screaming ceased. I first now discovered that my heart had been beating nervous non-stop.

What was wrong with me?

I waited for a while, when Brother Enoch came around the corner. I have never seen any of the silent brothers smiled let alone laugh, but I sensed that Enoch wasn't pleased about something. Then it hit me. Miss Gray had just met him. It must be what that scream was about. I have to admit they do look a bit scary, when you first meet them. I remembered having nightmares about them, when I was younger.

I felt relief that it was nothing serious. Why? Why was I concerned about a girl I hardly knew? I struggled to make up a reason. It's because I found her. Yes, that was it. If something happened to her, I might get the blame.

I considered going back to my room, but then I decided to go Charlotte's study. She might have some more questions for me, when she is done with Miss Gray.

I found the study and sat down to wait for Charlotte. There fire in the fireplace, so I could expect her any moment.

There were lying some letters on the desk. I didn't read them, but I could see that most of them ended with _Love, Tessa._ It looked like they were made by blank pages ripped off from a book. Of course, there were a few books in Miss Gray's room. She must have ripped off from them to have something to write on.

There was also another letter, which seemed to been in another handwriting.

_Dear Tessie_, what a ridicules nickname. It was like a name for a pet. I better liked Tessa or maybe Tess. _I'm so sorry that I couldn't meet you at Southampton. I can imaging your disappointment, but I was hold back by work. I'm leaving you in the care of Mrs. Black and Mrs. Dark. They are my landladies and my trusted friends. I call them the Dark Sisters, Tessie, for obvious reasons, and they seem to find the name agreeable. But they are very kind, so don't worry. And when I get home, you can tell me all about your journey. I'll try to get a few days off work so I can show you around London myself._

_Nate_

He must have been that brother, she was talking about. What happened to him? I didn't find any other living person in the house. He might have been among the bodies in the basement. I thought about how Miss Gray would react if her brother was among the dead bodies. My stomach tied hurtful by the memory of Ella's body.

I then took another letter up. _Dear Nate…_

"Will?"

Instinctively I put the letter into my pocket, as Charlotte walked into the study. "What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Waiting for you," I answered casually. "What did Miss Gray said?"

"How did you know…?"

"I heard her screaming. I guess that Brother Enoch made quite an impression on her."

Charlotte sighed. "She… she doesn't trust us. Not that I don't understand that. Poor girl."

How many times had there been said poor girl today?

"What are these?" I said and pointed to the letters on the desk.

"Letters," Charlotte answered. "Miss Gray had written letters to her brother during her imprisonment. Probably as a way to releases her feelings. We found them under a mattress. There is a letter from her brother, which we found another place. I have already been at Southampton and found out that Miss Gray arrived from New York on _The Main_ six weeks ago."

Six weeks? She spent a whole month at that place? She can't be a human to survive that.

"Six weeks? Well, the half time at that place would maybe have killed me. I'm impressed."

Charlotte nodded. "Sophie is getting her ready for dinner. Could you wait with Jessamine?"

"If you say so," I said and left the room. For some reason I felt… happy? No exciting. I felt exciting by the thought of seeing Miss Gray again.

_Tessa._

* * *

**So did you like it? I enjoyed writing this. Please review and tell me what you really liked. About the first of the two quotes in the beginning. I thought it was fitting Will and his interest for books.**

**I want to say thank you to _theolivetree_ for giving this story its' first review. And I also want to say thanks to all of you, who has been reading it, following it and make it one of their favorites.**

**In the next chapter Will is going to see what Tessa's talent is. What will he think?**

**Until next time. :-)**


	4. The Girl With The Thousand Faces

_All falsehood is a mask; and however well made the mask may be, with a little attention we may always succeed in distinguishing it from the true face._

Alexandre Dumas, The Three Musketeers

Chapter 3: The Girl with the Thousand faces

I washed my hands and face and went down to the dining room. Jessamine was already there in a new dress she hoped could make her shine.

Jessamine looked up at me. "Will? You look a bit different."

"Different? I washed my face," I said as I set down at the table.

"No, I mean you look more exciting. It's like somebody told you, that we were getting a new brand of Gin here."

Exciting? Better be careful.

"For you it would be that somebody told you that the Princess of Wales was coming to dine with us."

Jessamine didn't say anything, but just turned her face away from me. I hoped that Jem would come to join us. He would find this interesting.

The door open up and Charlotte walked in. Behind her was Miss Gray. She was wearing that dress Jessamine had given her, but it did seem too small for her. Could she even breathe in that?

"Will. You remember Miss Gray?"

I looked at her. Despised her small dress she looked much better than in that black dress from The Dark House.

"My recollection of her…," I said, "… is most vivid indeed." I would never forget a woman like her… and I can still feel the pain in my hand from when she hit me.

She looked at me, probably noticed that I had changed clothes since our last meeting. Yes, I did change after I had visited Jem. I send her a smile and her cheeks got a bit redder. It was charming to look at.

Charlotte introduced our guest to Jessamine, who was a bit cold to her. But that was Jessamine.

"Where's your benighted husband then?" I asked Charlotte, but I did have a good guess.

"Henry is in his workroom." Charlotte sat down and gestured Miss Gray to take a seat beside me. "I've sent Thomas to fetch him. He'll be up in a moment."

"And Jem?"

"Jem is unwell. He's having one of his days."

"He's always having one of his days," Jessamine said disgusted.

There was sometimes were I wished that I could kick Jessamine or just hit her. But then I heard my mother's voice in me. _Will, you do not hit girls, who can't help how they had become._ _Ac mae hynny'n derfynol. _Mother was right. Jessamine was only like this because she was unhappy. Her parents raised her to hate the life of Nephilim. It was that life that got them killed.

And in a way, it was that life that got Ella killed. If father hadn't kept that pyxi, then I wouldn't have opened it and…

No, no. It was not father's fault. I shouldn't be unfair. He did warn us about messing with his old things. It was my fault. Always my fault.

Agatha and Sophie came with the food. Good, because I was starving. Killing demons and evil warlocks could give a huge appetite.

"You know," Jessamine said to Miss Gray. "I don't believe I've ever seen a warlock eat before. I suppose you needn't ever bant, do you? You can just make yourself slender."

Was it necessary for her to remind Miss Gray that she was not normal?

"We don't know for certain that she's a warlock, Jessie," I said.

But Jessamine acted like she didn't heard me.

"Is it dreadful, being so evil? Are you worried you'll go to hell? What do you think the Devil's _like_?"

Miss Gray put down her fork and said: "Would you like to meet him? I could summon him up in a trice if you like. Being a warlock and all."

That was unexpected. I began laughing. It was like I was shaking with laugher. Normally I was the one who talked back at Jessamine.

Where had that girl been?

Jessamine looked annoyed. "There's no call to be rude."

Well, she began.

Henry crashed in and gave us all a quite surprise. "_Henry_." Especially because there was fire in his sleeve and he didn't notice it.

"Charlotte, darling," Henry said. "Sorry I'm late. You know, I think I might nearly have the sensor working…"

I have heard of people that can be so devoted to their work, that they don't sense anything else, but… this was madness.

"Henry, you're on fire. You do know that, don't you?" I pointed out.

"Oh, yes," Henry said eagerly. The flames were now reaching his shoulder. "I've been working like a man possessed all day. Charlotte, did you hear what I said about the sensor?"

Well, Henry was half-mad I guessed.

"Henry, _Your arm_."

Then Henry saw the fire for the first time. "Bloody hell."

I grab the vase on the table and throw the water contents over the fire and successfully put on the fire.

"Do you know what it means?" Henry said.

"That you set yourself on fire and didn't even notice?" I sat the vase down.

Henry talked proudly about that one of his invention had worked. When he considered to lighting up his other sleeve, Charlotte threated him with divorce and ordered him to sit down and introduce himself to Miss Gray.

"I know you," he said to Miss Gray. "You bit me."

Our guest looked a bit embarrassed about being reminded of it. I decided to open up our interrogation and turned to Charlotte.

"Have you asked Miss Gray about the Pandemonium Club yet?"

There was a flicker in Miss Gray's eyes of recognition.

"I know the words. They were written on the side of Mrs. Dark's carriage."

We told her about what the club was. It was an organization for mundanes who were trying out magic and that many members of the high society were often there.

"They ran some other businesses as well, most unsavory ones," I said. "The house in which they kept Tessa, I had been told, was a Downworlder brothel catering to Mundanes with unusual tastes."

Tessa? Why did I call her Tessa? We hardly knew each other. But it was like the time we spend together at The Dark House somehow made a close connection between us. We had shared some moments alone. I had make fun of her and she had correct me. What did she thought?

"Will, I'm not at all sure – ," Charlotte said.

"Hmph," Jessamine interrupted. "No wonder you were so keen to go there, William."

I looked at Miss Gray. She seemed a little uncomfortable.

"Have I offended you, Miss Gray? I imagined that after all you've seen, you would not be easily shocked."

_She had been tortured. She had been imprisoned in a whole month. She had been alone._

"I am not offended, Mr. Herondale." She said, but her cheeks flushed a bit. "I, ah, don't see how it could have been a … place like that. No one ever came or went, and other than the maidservant and the coachman, I never saw anyone else who lived there."

"No, by the time I got there, it was quite deserted," I told her. "Clearly they had decided to suspend business, perhaps in the interests of keeping you isolated."

Then we began talking about if her brother had the same ability as her and was kidnapped for the same reason, which lead to the question what Miss Gray could do.

Jessamine doubted that Miss Gray was anything special. She even accused her for being a sponger.

How did Jessamine's mind work? She is ready to believe my tales, but not Tessa. It was like _Through the Looking-Glass, and What Alice Found There_, where everything was the opposite.

Tessa looked like she was on the brink to lose her temper. It would look quite entertaining, but this was not the time for it.

I decided to tell Miss Gray, that we weren't going to force her to do anything.

"You can keep it a secret," I told her. "But secrets have their own weight, and it can be a very heavy one." I knew that very well. '_I curse you. All who love you will die._'

Miss Gray raised her head. "It needn't be a secret. But it would be easier for me to show you than to tell you."

Well that's going to be interesting.

"Excellent." Henry said joyfully. "I enjoy being shown things. Is there anything you require, like a spirit lamp, or – "

"It's not a séance, Henry," Charlotte said. "You don't need to do this if you don't want to, Miss Gray."

"Actually, I do require something." Miss Gray turned to Jessamine. "Something of yours, please. A ring, or a handkerchief –"

"Dear me, it sounds to me rather as if your special power is pickpocketing."

Why was it that I decided to save Jessamine from my curse? The world would be a much better place without her. On the other hand, the demon said it could last a long time before it worked. I don't want to have her love me for twenty years.

"Give her a ring, Jessie. You're wearing enough of them." It was not like she would notice it, if she lost one of them.

"You give her something, then." I was just going to tell her what I was thinking of her, when Miss Gray said insisting: "No. It must be something of yours."

"Oh, very well then."

Then Jessamine took a ring of her hand and handed it over to Miss Gray. "This had better be worth the trouble."

Miss Gray took the ring and closed her hand around it. Then she closed her eyes and went silence.

All our attention was on her, but it could take time, so I took my glass and was going to drink of it.

Only that the glass never got to touch my lips.

It all happened a little slow, but enchanting in a way. Her body began changing shape, so it filled out the dress as it should. The hair change colour from brown to blond. It was like when Henry once added a chemical in a glass of another chemical and watched it changing colour. The face change feature and became more like Jessamine's. The eyes opened up and revealed the exact same colour.

There were now two Jessamines in the room.

"By the Angel," Charlotte whispered. As talk out of my own mouth.

For a moment, I was not really sure which one was the real Jessamine. I mean they were so alike, that you could easy be confused. But when the one in the red dress blushed and look a bit awkward, I felt relief. It was like somebody just had painted Tessa's face, but you were still able to see the real person underneath. Or if you put a sock on your foot, you could still the toes moving. I remembered that somebody told me at the eyes were the mirrors of the soul. I didn't really believe that, but now I guess that I could see the point. Tessa moved with her eyes in a way that Jessamine would never do. It was _her _way.

"Goodness, my nose is enormous," Jessamine shouted. "Why didn't anyone tell me?"

In my case it's because I never look at her face long enough to notice it.

Tessa passed the ring back to Jessamine. "Thanks for let me borrow it." Even the voice was Jessamine's, but the way she spoke was different. There was still the accent. Jessamine just accepted her ring back still in shock.

"You're a shape shifter," Henry concluded. He sounded a bit shaken. An Eidolon, but she didn't look like a demon. She could be a warlock, but the question is: Where is the Devil's mark?

Tessa nodded, at the same time she slowly changed back to herself. What a relief. Two Jessamines were two too much. "Yes, The Dark Sisters trained me. In six weeks. They told me, that my brother would get killed if I didn't obey."

"They trained you?" I repeat. "You weren't good at it before?"

"I never knew that I had that kind of power. I grew up in New York with my aunt and my brother. I only came to London to live with Nate – my brother – after my aunt passed away. He left a month before to take a job. I didn't have any other family. I don't even know where my power comes from."

I felt sad for her. Her whole world had gotten turned upside down. From being a normal girl one day to be a stranger the next day.

"So you have to hold something that belongs to your… object?" Charlotte asked.

Tessa took a deep breath before she continued. "Yes, I have to hold something that belongs to the person I changes to, like – as you saw before – a ring. It has to be something personal."

No wonder she needed something that was Jessamine's. If she had change to Charlotte, the dress would have fallen off.

Agatha and Sophie came in and clean off the table. We didn't say anything.

"Mrs. Branwell, would you like some coffee and cake?"

"Yes, thank you, Agatha," Charlotte answered and turned back to Tessa. "Can you tell more?"

Tessa breathe in again. "Yes. When I changes it's like I become the person I change to. I see their memories and it's like they talk trough me."

That was… a bit scary. As far as I knew about Eidolon demons, I have never heard that they could look into their object's mind. My father once told me about a woman how managed to get rid of an Eidolon that was changed into her husband, because it couldn't answer a question that her husband should.

Memo to myself: Keep my stuff away from her.

"They began with living people then they switched to dead people."

Dead people? This made no sense. I could hear Charlotte holding her breath. Jessamine looked like she was going to throw up. Agatha and Sophie came in again with cake and tea. But somehow I had lost my appetite… and my sweet tooth.

"So you must be holding something that belongs to the person you're transforming into?" Charlotte asked again. "You can't simply look at someone and – "

"I explained that already." Tessa took to her head, as it was beginning to hurt. "I must be holding something that belongs to them, or a bit of hair or an eyelash. Something that's theirs. Otherwise nothing happens."

"Do you think a vial of blood would do the trick?" I asked curious. That could be just as personal as a ring or bit of hair.

"Probably – I don't know. I've never tried it," she answered as she drank of her tea.

"And you're saying that the Dark Sisters knew this was your talent? They knew you had this ability before you did?"

Yes, that did sound odd.

"Yes. It's why they wanted me in the first place."

Why else, I thought.

"But how did they know? I don't quite understand that part," Henry asked. Jessamine just looked uninteresting as always.

"I don't know," Tessa answered. She sound really tired. "They never explained it to me. All I know is what I told you—that they seemed to know exactly what it was I could do, and how to train me to do it." That must mean that the warlocks were connected to an Eidolon demon. They might even be related to one.

"They spent hours with me, every day …" Then she hold in. She looked shaken like she was remembering a nightmare which was probably not fare from the truth. Suddenly I wanted to comfort her. I wanted to hug her to give her some support.

"It hurt, at first," she whispered. "As if my bones were snapping, melting inside my body. They would force me to Change two, three, then a dozen times a day, until I would finally lose consciousness. And then, the next day, they'd start at it again. I was locked in that room, so I couldn't try to leave…"

The way she spoke. The feelings that was in her voice. It made me feel like _my _bones were snapping and melting. It was like I was experienced the same pain she had been through.

How could she even survive that?

"That last day, they tested me by asking me to change into a girl who had died. She had memories of being attacked with a dagger, being stabbed. Of something chasing her into an alley – "

"Perhaps it was the girl Jem and I found." _Now_ we had a connection to the dead girl. I sat straight up. "Jem and I guessed she must have escaped from an attack and run out into the night. I believe they sent the Shax demon after her to bring her back, but I killed it." Well, it was Jem who thought about that first. "They must have wondered what happened."

I thought about us in The Dark House. How she reacted when I told her about the girl and the dagger. Maybe her reaction was not just because of the symbol on the dagger.

"The girl I changed into was named Emma Bayliss," Tessa said, in a half whisper. _Emma Bayliss._ "She had very fair hair – tied in little pink bows – and she was only a little thing."

I nodded. It was her.

"Then they did wonder what had happened to her. That's why they had me Change into her. When I told them she was dead, they seemed relieved."

"The poor soul," Charlotte said. "So you can Change into the dead? Not only the living?"

Tessa nodded. "Their voices speak in my mind when I Change too. The difference is that many of them can remember the moment they died."

Jessamine said something, but I didn't hear it.

_Emma Bayliss. _It kind of hit me. The image of the dead girl came back again. Same ages as Ella even the first names were similar. Emma – Ella. It was one thing to see a human body, but to be reminded that they were not only humans, but they had a name, a past, a family and even plans for the future. Right now, in London, Emma Bayliss might have a younger brother who was waiting for his sister to come home. Maybe he even believed that it was his fault that he was never going to see her again like it was my fault that I would never see Ella again.

Then Tessa talked to me.

"You found me because you were looking for the murderer of Emma Bayliss," she said. "But she was only one dead human girl. One dead – what do you call it? – mundane. Why so much time and effort to find out what happened to her?"

For a moment my eyes met her. The grey eyes. It felt like she could see right through me and make me speak the truth. I wanted to tell her, that Emma Bayliss reminded me about Ella, that I had known a lot of mundanes to not find them lesser than shadowhunters, but then sense came back. It wasn't safe to speak the truth.

"Oh, I wouldn't have bothered, but Charlotte insisted. She felt there was something larger at work. And once Jem and I infiltrated the Pandemonium Club, and heard rumours of the other murders, we realized there was more going on than the death of one girl. Whether or not we like Mundanes particularly, we can't allow them to be systematically slaughtered. It's the reason we exist."

Then Charlotte took over again. "The Dark Sisters never mentioned what use they intended to make of your abilities, did they?"

"You know about the Magister," Tessa said. "They said they were preparing me for him."

Preparing? They were trained her. But preparing seemed like an odd word to use.

"For him to do what?" I asked. "Eat you for dinner?"

She shocked her head.

"To – to marry me, they said."

Marry her? Either I had something crazy in my ears or did she really say that she had been through hell to marry somebody she doesn't even know or met? I may not been an expert on matchmaking, but imprisonment and torture was not how you would treat your future bride. Unless of course you were Blue Beard, who killed four of his five wives and kept their bodies.

Even Jessamine could hardly believe it.

"To marry you? That's ridiculous. They were probably going to blood sacrifice you and didn't want you to panic."

Then an image came back to me. Me standing in a room in The Dark House. The room that looked like a wedding chamber. Not exactly a place I would want to have my wedding night.

"I don't know about that," I said. It was like a puzzle now felt into places in my mind. "I looked in several rooms before I found Tessa. I remember one that was done up surprisingly like a wedding chamber. White hangings on an enormous bed. A white dress hanging in the wardrobe."

I looked closely at Tessa. The dress had been made for somebody tall. Why didn't I realize that at once when I found her?

_Oh, that's because you were too busy finding her amusing._

Shut up, voice in my head.

"It looked about your size," I finally said. Tessa seemed to be a bit shaken. I wanted to assured her that we would never let some creep take her. But then Charlotte took the word. "Ceremonial marriage can be a very powerful thing. Performed properly, it could allow someone access to your ability, Tessa, even the power to control you."

_Not without a fight_, I thought as I remembered how she stood up to The Darks Sister.

"As for 'the Magister,'" Charlotte continued. "I've researched the term in the archives. It is often used to denote the head of a coven or other group of magicians. The sort of group the Pandemonium Club imagines itself to be. I can't help but feel that the Magister and the Pandemonium Club are connected."

Well, The Dark Sisters did had a carriage with _The Pandemonium Club_ written on, and it did seemed like they were hired by The Magister to train Tessa, so why shouldn't there be a connection?

"We've investigated them before and never managed to catch them doing anything dodgy," Henry told us. "It isn't against the Law to be an idiot."

"Lucky for you," Jessamine said. If she didn't show interest in shadowhunterwork, why couldn't she keep out of it and mind her own business?

"Henry is right," I said. "It isn't as if Jem and I didn't catch them doing the odd illegal thing –drinking absinthe laced with demon powders, and so forth. As long as they were only hurting themselves, it hardly seemed worth involving ourselves. But if they've graduated to harming others …"

"Do you know who any of them are?" Henry asked.

"The Mundanes, no," I answered. "There never seemed a reason to find out, and many of them went masked or disguised at club events. But I recognized quite a few of the Downworlders. Magnus Bane, Lady Belcourt, Ragnor Fell, de Quincey – "

"De Quincey?" Charlotte repeated. "I hope he wasn't breaking any laws. You know how much trouble we've had finding a head vampire we can see eye to eye with."

Yes I knew.

I took my tea which had become a bit cold. "Whenever I saw him, he was being a perfect angel."

Charlotte shot me a look I had gotten used to then she turned to Tessa. "Did the servant girl you mentioned – Miranda – have your ability? Or what about Emma?"

Tessa shook her head. "I don't think so. If Miranda did, they would have been training her as well, wouldn't they, and Emma didn't remember anything like that."

"And they never mentioned the Pandemonium Club? Some larger purpose to what they were doing?"

Tessa hesitated and seemed to concentrate on something. She was probably trying remember something. "I don't think they ever said the name of the club, but they would talk sometimes about meetings they were planning on attending, and how the other members would be pleased to see how they were getting on with me. They did say a name once... Someone else who was in the club. I don't remember, though I recall thinking the name sounded foreign…"

"Can you try, Tessa?" Charlotte begged. "Try to remember?"

Tessa looked uncomfortable like she was getting sick.

"First, what about my brother?" she then said

Charlotte blinked. "Your brother?"

"You said that if I gave you information about the Dark Sisters, you'd help me find my brother. Well, I told you what I knew. And I still don't have any idea where Nate is."

Tough girl. I would have done the same if it was Cecily.

"Oh." Charlotte looked like she just have reminded of it. "Of course. We'll start investigating his whereabouts tomorrow," she reassured Tessa. "We'll start with his workplace – speak to his employer and find out if he knows anything. We have contacts in all sorts of places, Miss Gray. Downworld runs on gossip like the mundane world does. Eventually we'll turn up someone who knows something about your brother."

Then the meal official ended few minutes later and Tessa asked for permission to leave the table.

"Just one more question, Miss Gray? Have you ever been in England before?" Henry asked.

I could see the point in that question. If Tessa had been here before, maybe a summer, it would give us a time period to work with.

"No," Tessa answered. "But my parents and Nate lived here before – and my aunt too. They left England, but it was before I was born. I have lived in New York my whole life."

Well, that didn't help much and then Tessa left the room. Jessamine left also. She was probably going back to her room and play with her dolls. Henry and Charlotte fell into a convensation about what The Silent Brothers found in the house and how they were doing to handle Mr. Gray's employer tomorrow. I decided to leave as well.

As I walked down the corridors, I thought about the whole thing. A mysterious 'Magister' had hired The Dark Sisters to train Tessa, so he could marry her. It couldn't have an innocent purpose.

I shouldn't blame anyone for wanting to marry Tessa, if it was because they liked her as she was. I mean… she seemed really lovely. She at least shouldn't have a husband who only wants her power. That would be the same as marry somebody just because of their looks.

I hold up in the corridor. I just thought about something: she must have known about that 'marriage' before I found her.

So what did she think of _me_, when she considered if I was The Magister?

Why should I care? Then I went off to find Jem.

* * *

**Well, it was a hard chapter. I hope you will enjoy it. Please review and tell me what you liked most. If you are wondering what Will thought in Welsh, it was supposed to be 'And that's final'. I used Google, so I don't know if it's correct, so if it's not, I'm sorry.**

**Thanks to all of you who have read it and reviewed, follow it and make it a farvorite. The next chapter is going to be a bit hard to make.**

**Thank again.**


	5. Books

_Gray for knowledge best untold,_

Shadowhunter children's rhyme.

Chapter 4: Books

Jem was sitting up, when I walk into his room. He smiled by the sight of me.

"Will, I was just wondering where you were. Have I miss dinner?"

I didn't answer, because I looked at the glass he was holding or more precisely at the white water in it. Yen Fin tea à la Jem Carstairs.

"Did you feel bad again?" I asked as I walked over his bed and sat down in the chair beside it.

He shook his head and put the glass down on the table beside him. "It's nothing. I'm a little better now."

Typical Jem. He always tried to take as little of the drug as possible. Just enough to stay on the right side between death and life.

"If you say so," I just answered. If I could, I would have given up years of my life, if it could keep Jem alive. He deserved better. He had lost his parents, his home in Shanghai and his future like I had. I left my parents, my home in Wales and my future only predicted loneliness.

"But I think you should lay down a bit for the rest of the day. If I know you right, you will be on your feet tomorrow."

Jem smiled. It had been hard work to make Jem smiled during the years we had known each other, but I think it was all worth. "I guess you are right. So what happened at dinner? Sometimes I think I gets sick on the days when something exciting happen. It's a cruel fate."

Cruel fate, indeed.

"Well, Henry got his arm on fire without noticed it. And when he finally discovered it, he was happy."

Jem chuckled. "That's typical him." Then he took a deep breath. Even laughing was tough for him.

Sometimes I had wondered how I would have end up, if I didn't have Jem. Probably dead, but Jem's friendship have saved my sanity more than once. I couldn't image my life, when he dies.

_If_ he dies, I corrected in my mind. It felt so wrong to say _when_. _If _was an illusion, but less painful.

"So are you going to tell me what happened afterwards or shall I guess it?"

Then I told me about Tessa's ability to changes shape. It did make Jem impressed. He also got a bit surprised that the mysterious 'Magister' wanted to marry Tessa.

"Marry Miss Gray? I think I would understand that he would want to use her power, but he already has her brother as a guarantee. Why would he want to marry her?"

"Maybe…," I said with my evil smile. "… He was once married to a beautiful woman who got ill and died. But he can't live without her, so he wants a replacement that can look exact the same. And with since Miss Gray can look into her object's mind, she can _become_ the dead wife."

Jem looked at me. "That sounds a bit crazy, but it could be possible. How did you come up with that idea?"

"From _Donkey Skin_," I answered. The good old fairy tale about a king who wanted to marry his daughter because she looked like her deceased mother.

"How much do you have left?" I then asked.

He knew what I asked about. "Enough to at least two months."

"Jem, we both know that your view of 'enough' is very different from my view of 'enough'."

Jem always took as little as possible but there was sometimes where he needed more. But he doesn't want to admit it. Stubborn half-Chinese.

"What else happened?" he said, changing topic. "Did Miss Gray give a demonstration?"

"Yes," I said. "As a matter of fact. She demonstrated by change into our lovely Miss Lovelace."

Jem seemed both surprised and shocked.

"Miss Gray changed into Jessamine?"

"Yes," I answered. "It was just because she was wearing one of Jessamine's dresses. She gave us all quite a shock. Especially Jessamine."

"Was that the scream that woke me up? I thought that she had seen a spider."

I laughed. It was only Jem who could make me laugh.

"Well," I said. "What's the different?"

Then Jem laughed. "Poor Jessamine. So how is it possible for Miss Gray to changes shape?"

"We don't know," I answered. "She doesn't know either. She believed that she was a normal human. She got to be the most mundane warlock, I have ever met. But I admit she is the prettiest warlock I have met."

"I though you said, that you don't know what she is."

"We _do_ know that she is not a human and not whole a demon. She doesn't even have a devil's mark or that what Sophie and Brother Enoch says. I think that I would like to look after it on her."

Jem sighted. "Don't tell me how. I think that I can guess, but I don't think it's going to work."

I pretended to think about it. "You're right. She would probably hit me with a frying pan. She is quite a bit violent. I'm almost going to pity the Magister."

Almost.

Jem just shook his head and mumbled something in Chinese. He had giving up understanding me a long time ago. And yet he seemed to understand me best of all people.

* * *

After I left Jem to sleep again, I walked around the corridors. I considered taking a walk in London this evening. It might be chilly, but I didn't care. I never really cared much about myself.

Then I spotted Tessa in the corridor. She looked around confused like she didn't knew where she was, which was probably the case. All corridors at this place looked alike. Then I first came here I also got lost.

I leaned myself against the wall and observed her for a moment. She looked quite innocent like Jane Eyre, who had just come to Thornfield Hall. I swallow by the thought of Tessa almost sharing the same fate as Rochester's insane wife Bertha Mason.

When it looked like she was on her way to give up, I decided to step in.

"Lost?"

She spotted me with a scared look. But she relaxed when she recognized me.

"You should let me show you around the Institute a bit, Miss Gray. You know, so you don't get lost again."

She looked skeptical at me.

"Of course, you can simply continue wandering about on your own if you really wish to." I wasn't going to give up like that. "I ought to warn you, though, that there are at least three or four doors in the Institute that you really shouldn't open. There's the one that leads to the room where we keep trapped demons, for instance. They can get a bit nasty. Then there is the weapons room. Some of the weapons have a mind of their own, and they are sharp. Then there are the rooms that open onto empty air. They're meant to confuse intruders, but when you're as high as the top of a church, you don't want to accidentally slip and – ." I waited for her reaction.

Tessa looked like that I just had told her that she was an idiot.

"I don't believe you," she then said. "You're an awful liar, Mr. Herondale. Still –." She held in looking thoughtful. "I don't like wandering about. You can show me around if you promise no tricks."

No tricks. She must have figured out that she shouldn't trust me. Not bad.

"I promise," I said politely.

I wasn't really sure if it was a fair deal. But Charlotte wouldn't be happy if I didn't help Tessa. I took her a tour around the Institute.

"Follow me," I said and tried to sound a bit like a general commanding his army. Hesitated Tessa followed me.

I began showing her the ball room as I told her about the Christmas parties, I suddenly remembered my first Christmas at the Institute, where I read up from Tatiana Lightwood's diary. I could still remember all that childish stuff she wrote about me. It wasn't easy to forget it, especially when you have a memory-rune on you.

I was a bit sorry for what I did to Tatiana. If I didn't have the curse, I would probably just have ignored her until she had grown tired of her obsession with. But I couldn't be sure that the curse didn't work on her, so I had to make her hate me, and now her brothers hated me. Three for one.

And then I remembered that party where I kissed Elspeth Mayburn or rather _she_ tried to 'eat' me. But she wasn't bad looking.

I took her down to the kitchen, where I introduced her to Agatha, who kindly offered us hot chocolate.

"Oh, no. I hate chocolate," Tessa said.

What? She hated chocolate? She couldn't be a human. If anyone should doubt, just ask if she likes chocolate.

"What kind of monster could possibly hate chocolate?" I asked loud.

Would that count as a devil's mark? Maybe not.

Tessa complimented Agatha's food and our tour continued. I showed her the music room and the drawing room and then we went to the weapon room, where Thomas was. Tessa seemed a bit relieved of seeing another know face, but was surprised learning that Thomas was a mundane.

Thomas was a good chap. He was brave as a real shadowhunter.

Tessa walked over to a desk. Why? I looked and then I saw the pyxi with the ouroboros symbol on.

_I was twelve years old. Father had a lot of interesting things in his library. Books with odd symbols, daggers and steeles. There was also a weird box. What could be in that? It took some time, but I finally…_

"Isn't that the Dark Sisters' symbol?" she asked and dragged me out of my memories – or should I say save me? "What's it doing here?"

"Not quite," I said. "The box is a Pyxis. Demons don't have souls; their consciousness comes from a sort of energy, which can sometimes be trapped and stored. The Pyxis contains them safely – oh, and the design is an Ouboboros – the 'tail devourer.' It's an ancient alchemical symbol meant to represent the different dimensions – our world, inside the serpent, and the rest of existence, outside. The Sisters' symbol is the first time I've seen anyone draw an Ouboboros with two snakes"

But as I talked, Tessa was almost about to touch it.

"Oh, no you don't." I put myself between her and the box as fast as I could. My life was destroyed by that thing. There was no way, that I would let a pyxis destroy other lives.

"The Pyxis can't be touched by anyone who isn't a shadowhunter. Nasty things will happen. Now let's go. We've taken up enough of Thomas's time," I said. I wanted to get away from that thing.

Luckly Tessa distracted me by engage me in conversation about mundanes' work here at the institute. It made the memories fade a bit.

But now I wanted to give her a big surprise.

"Here we are, now," I said. I couldn't wait to see the look on her face. Then I opened up the doors to the great library.

I spend a lot of time at the library, when I wanted to alone. The books were one thing that I couldn't lose to a horrible death. I could spend hours getting lost in the world of books and forgetting about my own life.

Tessa looked speechless like she had just passed St. Peter's gates. It was like you would expect hearing the angels singing now.

I felt… glad that I could do something good for her. The poor girl must have been through a lot of awful thing. She deserved some good things.

"This is the Great Library," I said. "Every Institute has a library, but this one is the largest of them all – the largest in the West, at any rate. I said I would get you more books, didn't I?"

She looked at me surprised over that I could remember my promise.

"But the books are all behind bars," she said. "Like a literary sort of prison."

"Some of these books are dangerous," I teased. "It's wise to be careful."

"One must always be careful of books…," said Tessa, "… and what is inside them, for words have the power to change us."

"I'm not sure a book has ever changed me," I said. Maybe except keeping me from taking my own life. "Well, there is one volume that promises to teach one how to turn oneself into an entire flock of sheep – ."

"Only the very weak-minded refuse to be influenced by literature and poetry," Tessa said.

Did she just call me weak-minded? Nobody had ever done that? Well, maybe Jessamine, but she doesn't count.

"Of course, why one would want to be an entire flock of sheep is another matter entirely," I said. "Is there something you want to read here, Miss Gray, or is there not? Name it, and I shall attempt to free it from its prison for you."

"Do you think the library has _The Wide, Wide World_? Or _Little Women_?" Tessa asked.

"Never heard of either of them," I said. Maybe I should try them out. It had been a long time since I had read anything new. "We haven't many novels."

"Well, I want novels," said Tessa. "Or poetry. Books are for reading, not for turning oneself into livestock."

Well, seems like I wasn't the only one lived in books. "I think we may have a copy of _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_ about somewhere."

"Oh, that's for little children, isn't it? I never liked it much – seemed like so much nonsense."

Well, I never like the book very much either. But on the other hand, hasn't she dropped into some kind of wonderland? Should I say that to her?

"There's plenty of sense in nonsense sometimes, if you wish to look for it," I said. But I wasn't sure if she heard me.

"_Oliver Twist_." By the Angel, she sounded like she had found a lost treasure. "Have you any other of Mr. Dickens's novels? Oh. Do you have _A Tale of Two Cities_?"

_A Tale of Two Cities_? What would she want with that?

"That silly thing?" I said. "Men going around getting their heads chopped off for love? Ridiculous." Why would anybody sacrifice themselves so their love could have another man?

"No, here you'll find all sorts of advice about how to chop off someone else's head if you need to; much more useful." Let's see what she would say to that.

"I don't…" Tessa protested. "… need to chop off anyone's head, that is. And what's the point of a lot of books no one actually wants to read? Haven't you really any other novels? Like _Lady Audley's secret_?"

"Not unless Lady Audley's Secret is that she slays demons in her spare time," I teased. But I have read that book. But maybe I could give something interesting to read and save the rest of us for more annoying questions. I walked up at a ladder and pull out a copy of the _codex_. "I'll find you something else to read. Catch."

Then I let the book fall and watch her caught it before it could hit the floor. She turned the book around so she could look properly at the cover and then look up upon me. "What is this?" she asked.

"I assumed you'd have questions about Shadowhunters, given that you're currently inhabiting our sanctum sanctorum, so to speak. That book ought to tell you anything you want to know – about us, about our history, even about Downworlders like you." I felt a little bad about calling her a Downworlder, because she was not raised to be one. I wondered how she felt about being a human one day to become something else.

"Be careful with it, though," I told her. "It's six hundred years old and the only copy of its kind. Losing or damaging it is punishable by death under the Law"

Then Tessa pushed the book away from her as if she had seen a spider.

"You can't be serious."

"You're right. I'm not," I said as I got down from the ladder. "You do believe everything I say, though, don't you? Do I seem unusually trustworthy to you, or are you just a naïve sort?"

Well, I couldn't blame her. I was the one who saved her from The Dark House. If she couldn't trust me, then who _could_ she trust?

Tessa didn't answer me. She just picked up the _Codex_, went to sit on the stone benches inside the window alcove and began reading. I sat down beside her and watched her. She seemed so calm and relaxed when she was reading. It was a bit like when I watched Jem playing his violin. They both seemed devoted to their hobbies. I wondered how her life in New York had been. What kind of person her brother was? And her aunt? How did she compare it to London? Obviously she must have a very negative opinion of London ever since she arrived.

I noticed that she was looking at the picture of Raziel. The very beginning of the Shadowhunters.

"That's how it all began," I said cheerfully. "A summoning spell here, a bit of angel blood there, and you've a recipe for indestructible human warriors. You'll never understand us from reading a book, mind you, but it's a start."

"You are, then, aren't you? Part angel?" She looked at me.

_Part angel, children, _my father had said to me and my sisters. I looked out of the window. _We are part angel. But that doesn't make us different from mundanes. Jonathan Shadowhunter was born as a mundane. Your mother is a mundane. We are just providing with abilities to protect them._

"Pulvis et umbra sumus. It's a line from Horace. 'We are dust and shadows.' Appropriate, don't you think?" I said. "It's not a long life, killing demons; one tends to die young, and then they burn your body—dust to dust, in the literal sense. And then we vanish into the shadows of history, nary a mark on the page of a mundane book to remind the world that once we existed at all."

I wondered how Ella was buried. She was just a nephilim and not a part of the clave, so she must have gotten a mundane burial. Had my family mourn over her in shadowhunter white or mundane black?

Ella would have liked Tessa.

We talked a bit about if I was not worry about demons that was living out there. I discovered that I really liked talking with Tessa. It was kind of refreshing with someone else to talk to. Not that I don't like the others, but there was nothing bad about something new.

Then Tessa asked me why I didn't live with my family.

I told her that either of us had a family, that Jem came from another country and that Jessamine's parents died in a fire.

I did think of them all as my second family. Even Jessamine. She was like one of those annoying cousins who you couldn't stand being in company with.

"So you are one another's family."

"If you must romanticize it, I suppose we are—all brothers and sisters under the Institute's roof.

You as well, Miss Gray, however temporarily."

"In that case," Tessa said as her cheeks blushed, "I think I would prefer it if you called me by my Christian name, as you do with Miss Lovelace."

Finally. I was getting a bit tired of calling her Miss Gray. Well, I hardly knew her, but somehow I felt like I had shared a special part of her life. I mean you can't just escape from The Dark House without sharing a personal experience or build up some trust between you.

"Then you must do the same for me," I said. "Tessa."

Weird. My heart felt a bit different.

Tessa's face seemed to light up when I said her name. "Will…"

"Yes?" I teased. I knew she was trying to say my name as I had said hers. But this was so funny.

She blushed and tried to save herself from more embarrassment by talking about Charlotte.

She seemed quite surprised when I told her that she also fought against demons.

"Why wouldn't she?" I asked.

"Because she's a woman," Tessa said.

Is that so? Maybe I should give her a little history lesson.

"So was Boadicea."

"Who?" she asked confused.

"'So the Queen Boadicea, standing loftily charioted, brandishing in her hand a dart and rolling glances lioness-like –'" I quoted smiling. Tessa still looked confused. "Nothing? If you were English, you'd know. Remind me to find a book about her for you. Regardless, she was a powerful warrior queen. When she was finally defeated, she took poison rather than let herself be captured by the Romans. She was braver than any man. I like to think Charlotte is much in the same mould, if somewhat smaller."

"But she can't be any good at it, can she? I mean, women don't have those sort of feelings."

"What kind of feelings are those?" I asked

"Bloodlust, I suppose," Tessa said after a moment. "Fierceness. Warrior feelings."

She was the one to speak. I thought about her standing up to The Dark Sisters. I was sure that behind all that 'the good mundane girl'-upbringing, where was hiding a warrior. A true warrior.

"I saw you waving that hacksaw at the Dark Sisters," I pointed out. "And if I recall correctly, Lady Audley's secret was, in fact, that she was a murderer."

Tessa's face lighted up in delight. Why did it fell like my heart began jumping?

"So you've read it?" she said.

"I prefer _The Trail of the Serpent_. More adventure, less domestic drama. Neither is as good as _The Moonstone_, though. Have you read Collins?"

"I adore Wilkie Collins," Tessa cried. "Oh – _Armadale_. And _The Woman in White_ …Are you laughing at me?"

"Not at you." It was first now I realized that I was laughing. She made me laugh two times on one day? Maybe I should go to a silent brother or a doctor. "More because of you. I've never seen anyone get so excited over books before. You'd think they were diamonds."

She couldn't have many pleasures, when she lived in New York.

"Well, they are, aren't they? Isn't there anything you love like that? And don't say 'spats' or 'lawn tennis' or something silly."

"Good Lord. It's like she knows me already," I said to myself. I should maybe be a bit careful about being around her. She seemed to never miss a thing.

"Everyone has something they can't live without," she said teasing as she looked at me. "I'll find out what it is for you, never you fear."

She was trying to speak lightly, but somehow her voice trailed off.

I remained calm, but inside of me I felt…

_Gray for knowledge best untold._

Her grey eyes that seemed to look into my deepest mind, where my secrets were lock away. Secrets that shall never be told. I then felt lonely. I had always been lonely, but this time is was different. It was a longing after something… intense. A desire after closeness. Psychical as mental. A desire for tenderness and warmth.

What was wrong with me?

"It's late," I said. I looked away from her, from those eyes with a colour from my childhood. "I should show you back to your room."

Tessa tried to say something, but then gave up and followed me.

What was wrong with me? It was like a hole in me. A hunger after something I couldn't put my finger on. I haven't felt like this since… No, I didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to remember…

We ran into Sophie in the corridor. I asked her about my boots, but she answered back angry. Tessa didn't seem to understand.

I didn't want her to understand me. It could mean she would begin caring for me and that was what I feared most.

Then she said that she believed that I did something horrible to Sophie. All I have done was reminding her of the boy who cut her face.

"You can think what you like. It's not as if you know anything about me."

"I know you don't like giving straightforward answers to questions. I know you're probably around seventeen. I know you like Tennyson – you quoted him at the Dark House, and again just now. I know you're an orphan, as I am – "

Now I had to stop her.

"I never said I was an orphan," I hissed angry.

My heart began beating faster by self-hate. The voice of my parents came back in my mind like an echo.

_Will… Will… Please…_

"And I loathe poetry. So, as it happens, you really don't know anything about me at all, do you?"

Then I left her in the corridor and tried to escape that guilt that was trying to consume me. I went to my room and grab my coat. I needed some air.

On the way out I passed the door to the kitchen, that's when I heard Thomas talking to Agatha.

"I'm telling you: I have never see him like that. Does he normally show girls around the institute? No, it's because of Miss Gray."

I had to get away.

_Gray for knowledge best untold._

* * *

**I know, this was a horrible chapter, but I promise the next one will be much better. About this chapter's quote, I took it from Cassandra Clare's Tumblr, it's from the whole version of the Shadowhunter Children rhyme. I thought it would be suitable.**

**Now as a 'I'm sorry'-gift for you all because of this horrible chapter, I will tell you little secret: I have been working on a BONUS chapter that I will lay out after I had finish this story, but I will give you a little sneak peak of it.**

_It was not perfect, but I think it could make her smile._

_I left my room and went to her door. I could hear her walking around inside. I couldn't just knock on the door._

**So what do you think? I hope you will still read this story and I would like to say thank you to all of you, who had giving it reviews, making it a favorite and followed it.**

**See you. :-)**


	6. London

_I wander thro' each charter'd street, _

_Near where the charter'd Thames does flow. _

_And mark in every face I meet _

_Marks of weakness, marks of woe._

William Blake, London.

Chapter 5: London:

The air was chilly. I needed that. I walked all the way down to the Thames. Well, it had been an interesting day today. A shape-shifting American maybe-warlock who was funny. I stopped up and looked down on the black water in the river. With a little fantasy it was easy to imagine that this was the river of the damned souls. Like river Styx at the underworld. Would I end there, when I die? Burning in the underworld.

I remembered when I first came to London. I had wondered if I just should jump into the river and drown. But I was only twelve years back then and very afraid of dying. Now I was sixteen and felt… what do I know? Just too tired to think about killing myself. Five years of loneliness and self-hate consumes a lot of energy.

Of course Tessa would assume that I was an orphan, I had just told her, that I didn't have any family, so what else could she think. I was really rude to her. But it was necessary. She… she seemed to look right through me. How ironic that a shape-shifter could see behind my mask or maybe that was how it was.

I took a breath of the cold air and relaxed immediately. Somewhere I could hear a boat sailing in.

As I walked I spotted a beggar sitting under a lighting streetlamp. By the Angel, I knew that a policeman would stand there soon. I have walked this route so many times that I could predict what would happen. If the beggar didn't move away soon, the policeman would kick him away.

"Excuse me," I said to the beggar. I bend down and touched him lightly at his shoulder to get his attention. He looked up upon me surprised. He smelled bad like mud and ashes. "Maybe you should go now. A policeman would be here soon."

The beggar sighted. "Danm, that Bobby." Then he got up upon his feet and straggled down the street until I couldn't see him anymore. He must be drunk.

Then I realized that I had gotten some dirt on my sleeve.

Damn it.

I sighed and reached for my pocket to take a handkerchief, but as I pull it out something else fell out. A piece of paper. I bend down to pick it up. Was this one of the receipts for Yen Fin? Jem had sometimes asked me for them, but I usually said that they never gave me one. I didn't want him to know how much it cost.

I flipped the paper out and read the first sentence. _Dear Nate…_

Just a moment. This was one of the letters that Tessa had written to her brother.

What was it doing…?

Oh, I put it in my pocket myself in a rush, when Charlotte came in, and then forgotten all about it. I sat down on a bench beside the streetlamp and carefully smoothed it.

_Dear Nate_, she had written. I could just hear her voice in my head. A sad and lonely voice crying out for someone to listen. _Today they made me shift into a woman named Ruth Wilson by using a shoe buckle. There isn't much to tell, beside that she lives in Soho and earns her living by making boxes to matches with her family. At least she isn't dead. Can you believe I still remember all the names of the people I have changes into? Especially the dead one. Last night I had a nightmare about their deaths. It rather became a big scary mess._

_Oh, Nate, I miss you so much. Can you remember when Aunt Harriet took us out on a walk in the park in Manhattan and you felt into the pond? It may not seem like a funny memory to you, but every memory from our life in New York seems sweet to me._

How sad. _Every memory seems sweet._ I knew what she meant. I still remember my childhood in Wales. Even all the stupid arguments I had with Cecily seems dear to me.

The letter still continued. _I'm lying down on my bed and just look up. It's so dark, so cold. Sometimes I wish I could die, but if I died what will happen to you?_

She kept herself alive for the sake of her brother. Her love for him must have given her the strength she needed. It was my love for my family that made me leave them. I had to protect them from the demon's curse, from myself.

_I hope that I will see you soon. Goodnight Nate. Love, Tessa._

I put the letter back in my pocket. I thought about how she must have felt in that house. Alone, scared and felling unloved. Her only light had been her brother. I thought about how she must feel now. Surrounded again by strangers, with more freedom, but now without knowing of her brother was alive or not.

It felt like the letter in my pocket now was burning. I thought about my own letters that I had written to my parents and then burned. I bend forward laying my face into the palms of my hands. It was painful to remember my family and yet I didn't want to forget them. It would be like betraying them for real.

Something came around the corner and caught my attention. It was the policeman coming. I wasn't under the glamour, so I didn't want him to see me. I got up and left.

* * *

When I got inside the institute, there was completely dark. Everybody must be asleep now. Good. I would check on Jem first before I go to bed. Maybe I should take a bath. I had fixed myself to look as drunk as possible. I even pinch the cheeks so they would look redder. If Jem was awake I had to keep my charade.

I hate lying, but it was necessary. Jem seemed to be immune to my curse. It might be selfish to use his death, but… no one could have nothing. Jem was all I had.

Just before I open the door, I heard Jem's voice.

"I apologize for asking, but – your parents are dead, aren't they?"

"Did Will tell you that?" Tessa asked.

What was she doing in Jem's room? I bend down hear more.

"He didn't need to. We orphans learn to recognize one another. If I might ask – were you very young when it happened?"

"I was three when they died in a carriage accident," Tessa told him. "I hardly remember them at all. My aunt raised me. And my brother, Nathaniel. My aunt, though –." She hesitated. "She died recently. She took a fever unexpectedly. She never had been very strong."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Jem said. He did sound sorry. He knew what losing a beloved parent felt like.

"It was terrible because my brother was already gone by then. He'd left for England a month before. He'd even sent us back presents – tea from Fortnum and Mason, and chocolates."

The chocolate must have been for their aunt, because her brother must have known that Tessa hated chocolate.

"And then Aunt took sick and died, and I wrote to him over and over, but my letters came back. I was in despair. And then the ticket arrived. A ticket for a steamship to Southampton, and a note from Nate saying he'd meet me at the docks, that I must come live with him in London now that Aunt was gone. Except now I don't think he ever wrote that note at all –."

For a moment I wondered that if Mother or Father died, would Cecily tried to contact me to tell it. Or will she think of me as a monster that did not cared about his family?

Then I thought about Tessa coming to Southampton alone. I could just imagine her leaning over the rail trying to spot her brother, only to not see him anywhere. There was sometimes where I looked out of the window trying to see if my parents came back again after me.

But they never did.

"I'm sorry. I'm maundering on. You don't need to hear all this." If I know Jem right, he didn't mind. He was a caring person.

"What sort of man is your brother? What is he like?" Jem asked.

There was silence for a moment. I guessed that the question surprised Tessa. No wonder, we have only asked her if her brother had the same ability or such, not what he was for a person.

"Aunt used to say he was a dreamer," she said. "He always lived in his head. He never cared about how things were, only how they would be, someday, when he had everything he wanted. When _we_ had everything we wanted," she corrected herself. Well, what did _she_ want? Was she a kind of person who just followed? "He used to gamble, I think because he couldn't imagine losing – it wasn't part of his dreams."

Well, I should have guessed that, because no wonder he ended in troubles.

"Dreams can be dangerous things."

Yes I know that. That's why I never allowed myself to dream.

"No – no. I'm not saying it right. He was a wonderful brother. He…" Then she stopped up. "What's that meant to do?"

What is she talking about? Then I heard that it was marks she had asked about. As they were talking I slowly open the door and lean myself to the doorframe. Jem noticed me, but Tessa didn't. Jem preferred to pretend that I wasn't there. "Now, don't tell me that's all the questions you have."

How wonderful. He just asked for more questions. He was going to regret it.

"Why can't you sleep?"

And I was right. Think fast, James.

"I have bad dreams."

Well, I can imagine that. The effects of Yen Fin could sometimes make him hallucinated. Good answer, Jem.

"I was dreaming too," she said. "I dreamed about your music."

His music? It must gotten mixed into her dreams.

He grinned. "A nightmare, then?" he joked.

"No. It was lovely. The loveliest thing I've heard since I came to this horrible city."

Horrible. So this was her opinion of London. It was horrible.

"London isn't horrible," Jem said equably. "You simply have to get to know it. You must come with me out into London someday. I can show you the parts of it that are beautiful—that I love."

Time for me to step in.

"Singing the praises of our fair city?" I asked.

Tessa whirled, and saw me. She looked at bit like she wished that I was far away from here.

I don't blame her.

"We treat you well here, don't we, James? I doubt I'd have that kind of luck in Shanghai. What do you call us there, again?"

"_Yang guizi_," Jem answered. "'Foreign devils.'"

"Hear that, Tessa?" I said to her. "I'm a devil. So are you."

I walked straight into the room and flung myself down onto the edge of the bed. Then I began unbuttoning my coat. It takes a lot of work to do an act.

"Your hair's wet," Jem said. "Where have you been?"

Tessa just standing there and looked at me like she was trying to recognize something in me.

"Here, there, and everywhere," I answered. The thought about Tessa's letter in my pocket haunted me a bit. Let us hope she wouldn't try to look my pocket through.

"Boiled as an owl, are you?"

I noticed a look on Tessa's face that seemed to say 'Ah…'. She must have realized that I looked drunk.

"Where have you been? The Blue Dragon? The Mermaid?"

"The Devil Tavern, if you must know," I answered. Time to tonight's tale. "I had such plans for this evening. The pursuit of blind drunkenness and wayward women was my goal. But alas, it was not to be. No sooner had I consumed my third drink in the Devil than I was accosted by a delightful small flower-selling child who asked me for two pence for a daisy. The price seemed steep, so I refused. When I told the girl as much, she proceeded to rob me."

"A little girl robbed you?" Tessa said. She looked surprised.

Maybe I should have make up my story long before I got home. It wasn't easy to make up at the spot. "Actually, she wasn't a little girl at all, as it turns out, but a midget in a dress with a penchant for violence, who goes by the name of Six-Fingered Nigel."

I had heard the name, when I got my dragon tattoo and used it as an inspiration.

"Easy mistake to make," Jem said. Sometimes I wondered if Jem just pretended to accept my stories and he knew what I really did. But he didn't push me, so I didn't confront him.

"I caught him in the act of slipping his hand into my pocket," I said. "I couldn't let that stand, of course. A fight broke out almost immediately. I had the upper hand until Nigel leaped onto the bar and struck me from behind with a pitcher of gin."

"Ah," said Jem like he finally realized something. "That does explain why your hair's wet."

"It was a fair fight. But the proprietor of the Devil didn't see it that way. Threw me out. I can't go back for a fortnight."

"Best thing for you," Jem said unsympathetically. "Glad to hear it's business as usual, then. I was worried for a moment there that you'd come home early to see if I was feeling better."

I was always here to see if he was feeling better, and Jem knew that.

"You seem to be doing perfectly well without me. In fact, I see you've met our resident shape-shifting mystery woman," I said as I looked over to Tessa. She was wearing a nightdress and a robe. "Do you normally turn up in gentlemen's bedrooms in the middle of the night? If I'd known that, I would have campaigned harder to make sure Charlotte let you stay." The thought about Tessa turning up in _my_ room in the middle of the night was amusing.

Tessa narrowed her eyes at me. "I don't see how what I do is your concern," she replied calmly. "Especially since you abandoned me in the corridor and left me to find my own way back to my room."

"And you found your way to Jem's room instead?"

"It was the violin," Jem explained. "She heard me practicing."

You don't say? "Ghastly wailing noise, isn't it?" I asked Tessa. "I don't know how all the cats in the neighbourhood don't come running every time he plays."

Well, to be honest, I thought at his music was very nice. Jem seemed to put his soul into his violin and letting it speak his feelings.

"I thought it was pretty," Tessa said. Well, she was right.

"That's because it was," Jem agreed.

I decided to play on with my drunk-charade. I pointed my finger against them. "You're ganging up on me. Is this how it's going to be from now on? I'll be odd man out? Dear God, I'll have to befriend Jessamine."

"Jessamine can't stand you." I can't stand her.

"Henry, then."

"Henry will set you on fire."

"Thomas."

"Thomas…,"

Jem never finished what he was about to say, for suddenly he began coughing.

_Oh, no_.

I jump up and went straight to him. As I kneeled beside him and place a hand on his shoulder, I could see it was bad this time.

"James. Where is it?" Where did he hide that damn drug?

He tried to wave me off. "I don't need it – I'm all right –" But then it got worse. He began coughing blood. I loved Jem, but he was too stubborn for his own good.

"Where is it?" I asked more urgently "Where did you put it?"

He pointed toward the bed. "On –," he gasped. "On the mantel – in the box – the silver one –"

"I'll get it, then," I assured him. "Stay here."

"As if I'd go anywhere," Jem said and rub across his mouth.

As I turned around to get the Yen Fin, I saw Tessa. Damn, I had forgotten all about her.

"Will – ," she whispered. "Is there anything –?"

"Come with me," I said and grabbed her arm. I accompanied her to the door and pushed her out in the corridor.

"Good night, Tessa."

"But he's coughing blood," Tessa protested in a low voice. "Perhaps I should get Charlotte—"

"No." I looked back at Jem. He hated when people fussed over him. The last thing he wanted was a stranger to worry about him. I looked back on Tessa and place a hand on her shoulder. I could feel her body under her clothes. "He has medicine," I told her. "I'll get it for him. There's no need for Charlotte to know about this."

"But if he's ill –"

"Please, Tessa." _Please, Tessa. Jem doesn't need more attention._ "It would be better if you said nothing about it."

"I – all right."

"Thank you," I said and touched her cheek with my hand. I was touching her skin for the first time. It was soft and warm like a feather. I don't remember any girls feeling this soft. Or was it just that I didn't notice it before?

Then why now?

I turned away from Tessa, shutting the door and left her in the corridor. Jem was still coughing on the floor.

I got the _Yen Fin _and mixed it with water, so he could easier shallow it. He drank the glass in one and let me help him getting into bed.

"Better?" I asked.

"I had been worse," he answered. "Where is Miss Gray?"

That surprised me. "I sent her out. You wouldn't want her to see you like this."

"No."

Then we were silence for a few minuts.

"She was very kind," Jem said.

"Kind? Jem, she asked you about your illness."

He shook his head. "No, she just asked why I was tired. She did seemed concern for me."

"She asks too many questions," I said.

"That's only natural. You didn't expect that she would be all right with this, did you? She is a stranger to this world, Will. All this must confuse her."

"And you like to answer her questions?" I asked.

"Somebody has to, Will."

"Good," I then said. "Now I know who I can send her to, next time she asks."

Jem just sighted and closed his eyes. He began breathing calmly. I wasn't sure if he was sleeping now or not, but I didn't want to dispute him.

"Goodnight," I said and left his room, while grabbing my coat on the way. I couldn't see Tessa anywhere. She must have gone to bed. What a night. Time to get some sleep, though as I went to my room.

Tessa and Jem.

I didn't know why, but I felt a bit annoying, that they had talked together. I felt like an angry feeling by the thoughts of Tessa talking easy with Jem. I had felt a pleasure in being the one she could feel safe with in a new world.

Why was it bothering me? I need some sleep.

When I got into my room, I began changing my clothes for the night. That's when I realized how tired I was.

Tessa's letter was still in my pocket. What should I do with it? I couldn't give it back to Tessa. She would know that I had read it. Put it back into the study, before Charlotte noticed it was gone? She had looked at all of the letters. Yes, I might have to do that.

I picked it up and read it again. I wondered what the other letters was about. Would Tessa write about her six weeks in The Dark House, about The Dark Sisters or about the books there was in her room? Maybe I could get a little peak on them, when I put this one back.

Speaking of Tessa and books.

I had _A Tale of Two Cities_ on my shelf. I hadn't read it since I finished it the first time. I took it down and looked at the first page.

_It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way – in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only._

I closed it and lay it down on my desk. I have to read it again when I had time of it.

But not tonight

When I went to bed, I felt different from what I felt when I got up this morning. Something had changed, like something around me had gotten a new colour. It was something my mind couldn't spot and yet my eyes could see that there had been a change. I used to follow a daily routine, trying to push people away from me, but now… I felt like I had something new to look forward to.

* * *

**So what did you think? I hope you really enjoyed it. Review and tell me what you liked most. Thanks again for review, following and make this a favorite. It really means a lot to me. The next chapter is going to be the last and then there will be a bonus chapter. Will Herondale is one of my favorite characters in The Infernal Devices. Who doesn't love him? I enjoyed writing about him and Tessa's letter.**

**P.S. a 'Bobby' is a nickname for a police man in London. I don't know if they still use it or it was just in the Victorian time, but I read somewhere about the nickname.**

**See you later. **


	7. Touché

_I have gained so much that I have a body of flesh, and clothes to wear._

Shadow, H. C. Andersen, 1847

Chapter 6: Touché

The dream was different now. Instead of sunset it was dawn. I was walking along the side of the sea in Cedair Idris. I spotted a girl standing away from me watching the sunrise. As I got closer I recognized her.

Tessa.

She hadn't seen me yet. She seemed lost in her own thought and by the look of her face, it was sad thoughts.

Then, when I approached her, she looked at me.

"I'm all alone," she whispered sad. "I have no family left."

I put my hand on her shoulder. "You are not alone. I'm here. You don't need to be alone."

Then she suddenly hugged me and I returned that hug. It was warm and gentle. I stroked her long brown hair. She relaxed in my arms.

_You are using her_, an evil voice whispered in my head. _She is woundable, alone. You are using her. You know that you can't protect her. Why give her something that you're not allowed to give her? _

I tried to ignore the voice as I tightened my arms around Tessa.

"Will," she whispered.

"I'm here," I said. I was here. And I wasn't going to leave her.

BANG

What was that? Tessa collapsed in my arms. "Tessa?" I called. "Tessa, what wrong?"

"Will…?" she whispered weak and looked up upon me. There was blood running from her mouth.

"Tessa?" Then I sensed that I was holding something in my hand behind her back. I lifted up my hand. I was holding a gun.

A gun covered in blood.

* * *

I gasped after air as I woke up. My heart was beating in my chest as fast as it was trying to jump out. When it calmed down, I sat up.

I looked out of my window. The sun was rising over London and was bathing the roofs in the morning light.

My subconscious was using Tessa to taunt me. It used her picture to the girl – who had before been nothing but a shadow in my nightmares. Now my dark side had a face to use against me.

Would this ever end?

One thing was sure: I was not going to let Tessa Gray get close to me. Tonight I got a warning. It is better that I listen to it.

I got up while fighting to keep my eyes open. I washed my face, got dressed and went downstairs to get breakfast.

I burst the doors open in an attempt to make a dramatic entrée as I shouted "Good morning."

Henry almost dropped his tea. "Good morning, Will."

"Sit down, Will," Charlotte said. "I think we should wait for Miss Gray before we make plans for the day."

"What are we going to do with her?" Jessamine asked not looking up from her breakfast. I sat down and filled my plate. "Is she going to stay for a longer time? If she is what if she make herself useful? But I don't see what shape-shifting could be of use in this house."

"I could have some use of it," I said. "She could Change into me, so I would have an alibi for my night plans." Then I laughed.

Jessamine narrowed her eyes at me. "I don't think it's going to work since you just told the whole table about it."

Charlotte sighted. "Will, don't talk about that in her company. The poor girl has enough trouble. She doesn't need more."

Henry picked up the newspaper, and Jessamine just drink of her tea.

"I don't see why you are feeling bad for this – girl? Can we really call her a girl? Wouldn't a warlock be called 'That'?"

"Hush, Jessie," Charlotte said. "It just seemed so sad. Tessa grew up living like a mundane, believing she was mundane and to learn about the truth in such a way. I can't imagine how she must feel."

I thought about that. Tessa had a mundane upbringing. She must have been raised to be a good girl, to not flirt with anybody, to one day marry her chosen one, who could make her happy and, and start a family of her own with children and maybe grandchildren. Now she was in a whole other world, where nothing she had taunt to do in her mundane life could be at any use.

By the angel.

If Tessa really was a warlock that would mean that she couldn't have children. How wouldn't she react? Had Charlotte told her? She must have. Otherwise I don't know how much dreadful it would be, if we kept delaying it.

"Beside," Charlotte said, "she was nowhere else to go. We can't even send her back to New York, because she probably has no one she can stay with."

"Yes, Darling," Henry said. "We have to be nice to her. Beside I think we could enjoy some new company."

Then Tessa came in. She was wearing the same dress as yesterday and looked like she didn't have a good night sleep.

"We were just talking about you," Jessamine said as Tessa found herself a seat. "Toast?"

"What about me?"

"What to do with you, of course. Downworlders can't live in the Institute forever," I said. Not that I mind Tessa, but that is the truth. The Enclave wouldn't like it, if we got a Downworlder pet, even if she was house-trained. "I say we sell her to the Gypsies on Hampstead Heath. I hear they purchase spare women as well as horses."

I had once teased with Jem about selling Jessamine to the Gypsies, just knock her out and sell her before she could wake up. But then Jem had teased again by saying 'What have the poor Gypsies done to you, to deserve that?'

"Will, stop it." Charlotte glanced up at me. "That's ridiculous."

I leaned back in my chair, pretending to think about it. "You're right," I then said. "They'd never buy her. Too scrawny."

"That's enough," Charlotte said. She sounded annoying. "Miss Gray shall remain. If for no other reason than because we're in the middle of an investigation that requires her assistance. I've already dispatched a message to the Clave telling them that we're keeping her here until this Pandemonium Club matter is cleared up and her brother is found. Isn't that right, Henry?"

"Quite," Henry said, setting the newspaper down. "The Pandemonium thingie is a top priority. Absolutely."

"You'd better tell Benedict Lightwood, too," I said. Benedict Lightwood hated Charlotte for 'stealing' the institute from him. When old Fairchild died, he had expected to be named head for the institute, and was outraged when the consul named Charlotte. Since then he had become Charlotte's mortal enemy and have done anything in his power to discredit her. "You know how he is."

Charlotte had worked hard. She just wanted to be listening to.

"Will, today I'd like you to revisit the site of the Dark Sisters' house; it's abandoned now, but it's still worth a final search. And I want you to take Jem with you – "

"Is he well enough?" There was no way I would take Jem to The Dark House, if he was still ill.

"He is quite well enough." I looked up and saw Jem standing beside the sideboard in his red waistcoat. He did seemed well enough today. "In fact, he's ready when you are."

Charlotte mentioned that he should have some breakfast first. A good idea. Without food and drink, the hero won't work.

Jem sat down across Tessa who he smiled to.

"Oh, Jem – this is Miss Gray. She's –"

"We've met," Jem said quietly. I could see Tessa blushed a bit. I felt… weird about it.

"You have?" Charlotte asked confused.

"I encountered Tessa in the corridor last night and introduced myself. I think I may have given her something of a fright."

He was acting like he and Tessa already were friends. Just after one night? Could you really become friends after that?

"Very well, then. I'd like you to go with Will. In the meantime, today, Miss Gray –"

"Call me Tessa," Tessa said. "I would prefer it if everyone did."

"Very well, Tessa," said Charlotte with a little smile. "Henry and I will be paying a call on Mr. Axel Mortmain, your brother's employer, to see if he, or any of his employees, might have any information as to your brother's whereabouts."

Jem began talking about that Mortmain made his fortune on opium. Jem expressed his disgust about it. Opium was almost the same as Yen Fin, so I couldn't blame him.

Charlotte then pushed the newspaper over to Jessamine. "Meanwhile, Jessie, perhaps you and Tessa can go through the paper and make note of anything that might pertain to the investigation, or be worth a second look –"

And if I knew Jessamine right…

"A lady does not read the newspaper. The society pages, perhaps, or the theater news. Not this filth."

Confirmed, I knew her right.

"But you are not a lady, Jessamine –," Charlotte began. The same old argument.

"Dear me," I said aloud. "Such harsh truths so early in the morning cannot be good for the digestion."

"What I mean," Charlotte corrected, "is that you are a Shadowhunter first, and a lady second."

"Speak for yourself," Jessamine said. "You know, I wouldn't have expected you to notice, but it seems clear that the only thing Tessa has to put on her back is that awful old red dress of mine, and it doesn't fit her. It doesn't even fit me anymore, and she's taller than I am."

Well, I had to admit, Jessamine did have a point. I could clearly remember how Tessa had smelt in the black dress she had from The Dark Sisters because she had worn it for around six weeks.

I would hate to see – or smell – what _I _would smell like if I had wear the same clothes in six weeks. Clearly better than Gabriel Lightwood would have smelled. In fact better than he smelled even if he did change his clothes.

"Can't Sophie …," Charlotte began.

"You can take a dress in. It's another thing to make it twice as big as it was to start with. Really, Charlotte. I think you ought to let me take poor Tessa into town to get some new clothes."

Huh? For a moment ago she wasn't happy about having a Downworlder here and now she was going and now she wanted to buy her dresses? If knew her right it would just be an excuse to buy herself new dresses.

"Otherwise, the first time she takes a deep breath, that dress will fall right off her."

Really? I looked up. Well, the dress did looked small, but could it really fall off by taking a deep breath? It would be very embarrassing for her if it happen.

"I think she should try that out now and see what happens," I said.

Tessa blushed a bit. How sweet.

"Oh," Tessa said, clearly confused. "No, really it's not necessary –"

"It is," Jessamine said.

"Jessamine," Charlotte began, "as long as you live in the Institute, you are one of us, and you have to contribute—"

"You're the one who insists we have to take in Downworlders who are in trouble, and feed and shelter them," Jessamine reminded her. "I'm quite sure that includes clothing them as well. You see, I will be contributing – to Tessa's upkeep."

By the angel, would they come to a decision soon? I looked at Jem. He smiled sadly, like he felt sorry for Tessa being the subject for the conversation.

Then Henry leaned forward to Charlotte. "You'd better let her do it," he advised. "Remember the last time you tried to get her to sort the daggers in the weapons room, and she used them to cut up all the linens?"

Yes, I remembered that as well

"We needed new linens," Jessamine said like it was something even a monkey would understand that.

"Oh, all right," Charlotte snapped. "Honestly, sometimes I feel despair of the lot of you."

"What've I done?" Jem inquired. "I only just arrived."

I tried not to laugh. Poor innocent Jem.

"Should we leave now?" I asked him, as I leaned ignorantly across Tessa being the rude Will. I knew she would be annoyed at me.

She smelt nice now. Like lavender. Back home in Wales when we had a birthday in springtime or summertime, mother would put lavenders in vases, so the dining room would smell of it.

Jem calmly drink from his tea. "I need to finish my tea first. Anyway, I don't see what you're so fired up about. You said the place hadn't been used as a brothel in ages."

Well, Jem, if this is going to be like this.

"I want to be back before dark," I said as I tried to ignore the feeling of Tessa's body close to my own. "I have an assignation in Soho this evening with a certain attractive someone."

In my dreams.

"Goodness," Tessa breathed into my neck. It gave me the creeps a little. "If you keep seeing Six-fingered Nigel like this, he will expect you to declare your intentions."

What?

Jem choked into his tea. I felt like something had hit me.

She was good. I give her that. Touché, Tessa, Touché.

* * *

**That's the last chapter of it. Soon there will be a bonus chapter. I hope you enjoyed it as I enjoyed writing this. Thank you all for giving it reviews, following it and make it a favorite. I'm so happy that you like this. And the Bonus Chapter is almost finished. As a reward for your patience, I will give you a new sneak Peek on it:**

_I just hoped that Magnus Bane could help me. I have enough of the curse. In fact I had enough of it for years..._

**So, see you later. :-)**


	8. BONUS - Letters from Hell

_The course of true love never did run smooth._

― William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream

Letters from Hell

_Dear Nate._

Every time I read the first two words on Tessa's letters, I wanted to murder Nathaniel Gray for breaking her heart.

Tessa had kept her sanity in this mess, because she had a goal: Finding her brother and save him. I thought about how she had held him in de Quincey's house. She had believed that by finding him, everything would be all right again. That she had one safe point she could rely on. A person, she loved and trusted. She had believed in his love for her. A love, she trusted was real and unbreakable, build by a whole life of each other's company. A dream shattered. A trusted string cut.

Nate had been willing to sell his sister for his own goal. He had killed their aunt, the only mother-figure and protector that Tessa had. All in the name of gaining power. I wouldn't be surprise if he decided to sell her into prostitution. How cold could anybody be?

I was now sitting in my room, looking through all of Tessa's letters. It was like I had a window to her soul without risking her to look into mine.

_Dear Nate. I didn't do well with the Changing today. The Dark Sister punished me by not giving me dinner this evening. I don't know with you, but I would like a beef with potatoes like the one I got at The Main. I can almost smell it._

I had read them so many times, that I could memorize them even without the memory rune. And yet see them with my own eyes was not the same as remember them.

Those words written by a lonely isolated soul fighting to keep themselves strong in hell.

_Dear Nate. Today they gave me an eyelash. I changed into a dead woman. Her name was Gladys Jones and she was from Wales. Apparently she was waiting for somebody in Brixton, who had promised her a job interview, but she was strangled from behind. Can you imagine how it feels like being strangle? It feels like somebody is trying slowly to separate your head from the body and you can't get any air. The Dark Sister gave me an ice dessert as a reward because I could get so much from one eyelash, but I didn't eat it. While I was looking at the ice melting, I thought about that night on The Main when I couldn't sleep. The ship was passing Newfoundland and I had been standing on the deck and looked at the icebergs that were floating around on the sea. They looked so beautiful, like the towers of a drowned white city, but at the same time so lonely. How sad._

I closed my eyes and tried to imagine for me, what she could have seen. Under the dark sky, on the black sea, the icebergs drifted on the surface. She was right that was a beautiful sight.

_I wish this was all a horrible nightmare and I just could wake up and be back at our apartment in New York._

A nightmare. Suddenly I thought back to Tessa's conversation with Charlotte.

"_People keep secrets, Tessa, sometimes even from the ones they love," I heard Charlotte say. I had passed Tessa's door as I was on my way to visit Jem. "And you must admit, it does make sense." What were they talking about? I didn't mean to eavesdropper, but…_

"_Sense? It doesn't make any kind of sense."_

_The way Tessa said it. It sounded like she tried to hold on to something desperately. Something she was afraid of losing. Then Charlotte talked about the fact that Tessa's father might have been a member of The Pandemonium Club._

"_I suppose." Tessa said. She sounded unsure. "It's only … I believed so strongly when I first came to London that everything that was happening to me was a dream. That my life before had been real and this was a dreadful nightmare. I thought that if only I could find Nate, we could go back to the life we had before. But now I cannot help but wonder if perhaps the life I had before was the dream and all this was the truth. If my parents knew of the Pandemonium Club – if they were part of the Shadow World too – then there is no world I can go back to that will be clean of all this."_

_I felt sorry for her. I remembered the night after the demon attack, where I was lying in my bed, sure in my belief that the next morning everything would be back to normal and the demon would be nothing, but a nightmare that be forgotten. Then Ella was found dead in her bed and I realized my nightmare would never end._

_The Shadow World was nothing you could escape from._

_Charlotte told her the story about Sophie's scar and asked Tessa what could have happened to her, if she never had come to London. I shivered by the thought of Tessa sitting on the street in New York dirty, poor and lonely, just waiting to die. Charlotte was right. Here Tessa had a place. Here there was somebody who would help her._

"_It is hard to think of something as a gift when you have been tormented and imprisoned for it." She was bitter._

_Yes. There was sometimes where I hated the Shadowhunter life, because I lost my family. Tessa had never asked to have a special ability. She had probably only wanted a normal happy life that mundane girls could have. A loving husband, a nice home, some good friends and maybe one day have children. Now she had an ability that people would want to use and not caring for Tessa herself._

"_Sophie said to me once that she was glad she had been scarred. She said that whoever loved her now would love her true self, and not her pretty face. This is your true self, Tessa. This power is who you are. Whoever loves you now – and you must also love yourself – will love the truth of you."_

"_So you are saying I am right?" Tessa's voice sounded numb, like she had giving up fighting. "That this is what is real, and the life I had before was a dream?"_

"_That is correct," Charlotte had answered. "And now it is time to wake up."_

But the truth about her brother made her woke up at last. Her kind wonderful brother had been a part of that dream and only that. To Tessa her brother had been a connection to her old life. The life she felt she knew and was comfortable with. The life which was her old self. Now she had to start all over again. Find a new identity. Build up a new life in a new world and that would be tough. She was now a stranger in her own eyes. Her brother's betrayal had killed what was left of the old Tessa.

But I was not really much better, was I? I had called Tessa horrible things and told her that she couldn't have children. Jem had told me afterwards, she thought of herself as a monster.

Tessa, a monster? I could think of humans that was really monsters.

Like Mortmain.

Mortmain. The man who claimed to have created Tessa. How could such a man have created something so… Tessa?

No. Mortmain might have created Tessa's body, but her soul was formed by herself. The words in her letters were created by her.

_I feel myself dissolving, vanishing into nothingness for if there is no one who cares about you, do you really exist at all?_

I wondered if Tessa had learned the truth about Nate in The Dark House, before I could have rescued her, would that have killed her? Physical and mental. I didn't want to know the answer, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. Tessa dead with no one caring about her, just because we didn't know about her back then. It just seemed… not right.

… _if there is no one who cares about you, do you really exist at all?_

I understood it. I once had a nightmare about that I was nothing but a ghost who no one could see. I shouted for Charlotte, Henry, Jem, my parents, Cecily, Ella, Sophie, Thomas, Agatha, even Jessamine to hear me, but it didn't seem like they could hear me. I could see them, but they couldn't see me. The worst part had been that in the end of the dream one of them just walked _through_ me like I was just air.

I then had waked up with a roar and couldn't sleep for the rest of the night.

Every time I pushed people away from me, every time I walked alone in London, I felt like I was becoming that ghost more and more.

_Today I tried to refuse coming down, but Miranda, the maid, dragged me down. She was too strong for me. Her eyes are still creepy. They were like the coachman's. They both have eyes like a frog's. Do you think they are in family with each other?_

So brave. She did try to fight despite all her fears.

I lift up my hand to touch my lips as I remembered the kisses we had shared. Our first one in the attic, when I gave up fighting against my desires. If I had believed that kissing her would end my obsession, then I was wrong. It had just been like adding water to a flower. The kiss had just make my feelings grow stronger, planting roots in my heart and flesh. I wouldn't be able to rip them out without rip myself into pieces.

And then there was the kiss we shared on the roof. That kiss, where every fiber of my body screamed at me how much it had missed going that since the first one. That kiss, where I made it look like I was playing with her feelings. It was cruel, I know. I didn't want to think of it. It was like swallowing poison. A really slowly painful poison. I didn't think that even Jem's agony could match this.

Was I really no better than Nathaniel Gray?

_You are nothing like him, _Ella's voice sounded in my head. Just as I remembered it. _He was her brother. They had shared a whole life together, and it didn't mean anything to him. You were trying to save her. He didn't feel any regret for what he did. He broke her heart without mercy and not caring for her. For you it's painful for you to be cruel. And pain means that you can feel. You hate hurting other without being able to explain. That's the difference between you two. He only cares for himself, while you would sacrifice your life, yourself, for those, you care about. He has no heart, but you have._

I just hoped that Magnus Bane can help me. I have enough of the curse. In fact I had enough of it for years, but it was first now I decided to really fight against it and not just avoid it. Tessa had changed me. From being someone who lost all hope, I now wanted to fight for my freedom. Wanted to become better than I was. To get rid of the shadows that had haunted me for five years. To be free to love and be loved.

To be free from the chains that kept me imprisoner.

It was getting quite late. I put the letters away. It was time.

I had brought a copy of _Vathek_ to her, a few days ago, but I wasn't sure how I could give it to her after I had been so cruel to her. Our conversation in the library had showed me, that she still hated me, or at least didn't want to be around me. I must really confuse her.

Carefully I took the book from under my bed and went to my desk. One day I have to clean up this mess.

I got my quill pen and ink bot. Then I began writing in the book.

_For Tessa Gray, on the occasion of being given a copy of Vathek to read:_

_Caliph Vathek and his dark horde_

_Are bound for Hell, you won't be bored!_

_Your faith in me will be restored -_

_Unless this token you find untoward_

_And my poor gift you have ignored._

_- Will_

I had practiced writing this poem to her a few times. It was not perfect, but I think it could make her smile.

I left my room and went to her door. I could hear her walking around inside. I couldn't just knock on the door. I bend down and slowly push the book against the door. She will hear it.

Quickly I got up and disappeared around the corner. I could hear the door open up. My heart began beating nervous. Then I heard Tessa made a sound. It was like she was trying not to laugh. I couldn't stop the corner of my mouth from curling. If she still cared about me… maybe there was still hope for me, if I could get rid of the curse.

I loved Theresa Gray. I never asked for it, but it happen. Maybe my curse had sent her to me as a cruel reminder of what I could never have. Yet my heart seemed singing by the sound of her name. I felt a need to see her, be close to her, to hear her talk with her charming American accent and much more. Why, cruel fate, must you torture me?

As I walked back to my room, I held my breath, hoping not to betray any feelings if I passed somebody. It was first then I had closed the door behind me that I could breathe out.

Who knew that love could be so… huge? It was like I could feel it running in my blood and heating up the rest of my body. It was like an illness, which only she could be the cure.

I have never felt like this for anybody. And as the fool I was, I believed that I could control my feelings. Every time I saw her, I wanted to be close to her. When I was close to her, I wanted to kiss her. And when I kissed her…

With a sigh I let myself fell down on my bed without thinking about changing clothes. I just looked up upon the cellar.

My mouth was forming the words, but the sounds were in my mind.

_Tess, Tess, Tessa._

* * *

**And That was the Bonus Chapter. Did you like it? Please review and tell me what you liked. Thank you all for reviewing it, following it and make it a favorite. The title: 'Letters from Hell' is because Tessa wrote these letter in The Dark House, which is kind like hell. I have always thought about what Will felt when he read those letters, so I wrote how I would imagine it.**

**By the way I do not own these character or The Infernal Devices. I only wrote this for fun and because I love the series.**

**Have a nice Summer.**

**:-)**


End file.
